Welcome on my blog of funny short stories !
My name is Perky Busy Bee , but everybody calls me Perky for short.
Every week I post a story to change your mind off things, make you crack a smile and look on the bright side !
Need to get in touch or comment ?
First off, are there newbies on line ? Yes ? Welcome, then, and thanks for being here !
As a bit of background, my name is Canaille. That's a French name. In English, it's ' Can I ', cause I am well-mannered, and always ask for permission , for example, ' Can I have a treat ?, Can I jump and cuddle on your lap ? Can I have a bite of your food ? Can I sprawl on the sofa ? and so on...
So, you see what a gentledog I am !
I am an English Springer Spaniel, and to let Perky, my mum, make the most of the Summer Holiday season here in France, I have offered to fill her shoes and blog for her.
So, here I am today, ready for our weekly appointment, and what comes to my mind right now is a question.
How good are you at keeping a secret ?
I mean, can you keep your lips sealed and be as silent as a grave whatever happens, or can anything unexpected loosen your tongue, and make you spill the beans accidentally ?
Rather awkward to spill the beans,but if they are raw green beans, it's no big deal. I'm partial to them and I'll take them !
But let's stop joking and get back on track.
I do apawlogize for my nosy question, but I really need to know if I am an incorrigible blunderer, or if any of you have already been in such an embarrassing situation, and how you have managed to be forgiven.
So, let me tell you why this week I am inquisitive.
Over the last few days things have not been going that smoothly between Perky and me.
Nothing to worry myself sick, cause Perky is a dogaholic, and I am the apple of her eye, but there's a kind of resentment floating around.
Quite jaw-dropping as I didn't see it coming.
Till last week I was feeling happy-go-Lucky. My Summer job as a wannabe blogger was going swimmingly, and, I must confess that all your boosting " Good job, keep going ! " and your cracking " Way to
go " let me hope I'd soon become a full-fledged blogger. I was really into it, and every week I was chuffed to share my pawsome adventures with all of you !
Everything was going like clockwork, and then suddenly, just a few lines too many in my last week post, and bye bye my great expectations : gone with the wind.
Yes, guys, all my dreams to fly solo in the blogosphere and become a first-rate blogging dog, have nearly gone up in smoke !
Nearly, but not totally ! Perhaps, I can still make up for my blunder with your tips and tricks...
But, have I really made a blunder ? I don't know, but the fact is that Perky was not a happy bunny when she read my post about her first steps into the fitness world ! She is usually easy-going, but every so often she has a real knack for overstating things.
So, when she found out that I had told you she is as stiff as a poker, she went ballistic, and even called me a tattle-tale. She said that spreading people's little secrets is a definite no-no !
I'm sorry but she is anything but supple. It's an open secret, it is what it is, and after all, nodoggy is perfect !
So, as long as she has not taken a chill pill, I'll stick to " Don't be too clingy and lie low ".
Yet, I know revenge is a dish best served cold, and I guess that as soon as Perky runs her blog again, she won't fail to give away my two main quirks. So better do it myself !
I'm a spoiled dog, and I've got plenty of squeaky toys, but empty plastic bottles are my favourite.
Give me one, and I turn into a smashing recycler. My jaws don't fit on the large part, so I let it roll away, and then chase it. I'm an expert on it and one leap is enough to land on my prey ( I'm an outstanding
Then I parade with it a little to let it squeak for mercy. When my Mum cries for mercy,too (she doesn't have a musical ear), I give it the coup de grâce and chew its cap off . And shoo !!
So, if you don't know what to do with your plastic bottles, either click on the link at the bottom of this post, or " better call Canaille " ( a doggy version of " Better call Saul ", a series about the trials and tribulations of a criminal lawyer).
My second and last quirk...yes, buddies, I've only got two ! I know I have just told you that nodoggy is perfect, but I'm the exception that proves the rule !
I'm a jolly walker, a first-rate ' Fetch the ball ' player, a second-to-none cuddle-giver, but when it comes to sleeping, I'm quite self-demanding. I do pay attention to have enough naps to keep my sanity, and I usually have an early night.
But when Perky and Sugardaddy have guests, difficult to get to sleep.
They spend time round the table, eating ( Perky's stern look keeps me away), chatting (no way to join the conversation, my woofs are just all Greek to them), and laughing, and I can't sleep a wink !
Enough is enough !
So, when it is past my bedtime, I usually fetch my comfy basket and drag it all around the table, with a stop and a deep sigh near each guest.
Most of the time, my little game triggers at least one quick glance at a watch and then I'm saved ! Off they go !
A bit rude, but, anyway, less rude than what Charlie, one of Mum's previous dogs, used to do to chase the guests away.
Guess what !!
He f---- ! Yes, guys, Charlie could be a" gassy " dog when needed !
Now, you know everything about me, and you know why I'm not really in Perky's good books at the moment.
Your suggestions to help me get through that rough patch are welcomed on
One more time, Canaille, your favourite wannabe blogging dog is on line, ready to share his adventures with you and make you crack a smile.
I hope that wherever you are and whatever you are doing, everything is hunky-dory for you and all the ones you love.
This week, Perky, this blog's owner and my Mum,as well, is still having a blast with her friends, so a good opportunity for me to ask you something that has been bugging me since I was a puppy.
Have you ever tried to learn a foreign language ?
Yes ? Great ! Then, you must know how infuriating slow and frustrating it can be !
Reading, listening and writing have their own challenges, but speaking is by far the most difficult skill to master.
Well, at least, that's what I experience day after day.
And yet, I have a private tutor !
Yes, guys, a private tutor ! Classy, isn't it ?
You know her. Her name is Perky Busy Bee (my Mum), but you can call her Perky for short.
As a dog mom, she is second to none. She is a dogaholic, so I never run out of cuddles,ear scratches and belly rubs.
Halcyon days for ever, so nothing to complain about.
But, as a private tutor, jeez, words fail me ! Yeah, you can say that again !
Since my puppyhood we have had countless one-to-one lessons, but after hours of awkward and strenuous conversations with Perky, I am none the wiser !
Don't get me wrong ! I'm not dumb, and Perky knows her stuff, but ...please, keep this to yourself, maybe she is a tad too demanding.
I guess that sometimes she forgets I started from scratch.
No kidding, when Perky and Sugardaddy brought me back home, I was an absolute beginner.
I could just yap and whine to show my excitement to be with my new foster pack, far smaller than the litter I came from, but friendly and cheerful, though.
Unfortunately, Perky was not that bright at puppy-talk and she thought I was a crybaby !
I quickly realized that my casual babbling was effortless,but apparently gibberish.
I was feeling like an expat striving to break through the language barrier. No way to take refuge and stay comfy in the expat bubble : not a single four-pawed buddy in the place !
Anyway, I needed to honour my breed and show how sociable, outgoing and smart English Springer Spaniels are !
Oops ,...tooting my own horn again, sorry, my furry fellows, no offense meant !
None taken ? Thanks a lot, you're so understanding and easy-going !
But let's get back to the topic in hand, I mean, learning a foreign language.
So, I pushed myself hard, and within a few weeks I had picked up a few keywords and phrases, you know, a kind of survival kit, a me-specific vocabulary to make my everyday life easier.
Mouth-watering words such as " dry pet food, biscuits, bowl", thrilling phrases like " let's go for a walk, let's have a cuddle ", or the magic stress-reliever " Good night, sleep tight " had no secret for me ! I still remember the ' wow ' moment I gave Perky, the very first time I could ask for the bathroom, I mean, the very first time I could make myself undertand and ask to go out to do my business. I was just 4 months old and Perky was simply amazed. Gee, I had never seen her so chuffed before ! Can't buy my story ? Come on, don't you remember how your mum and dad were over the moon when you got potty-trained ? So, don't laugh at me, please ! I was motivated and my efforts were worthwile. Now, I can count up to 3. No joking, guys, when I play " Fetch " , I can stay still till Perky shouts 3. Then, of course, I start off ! I can also tell the time. Don't believe me ? Well, just ask Perky,then. She doesn't need to keep and eye on her watch. At 7.30am and 5.30pm, I turn into a kind of Velcro dog and follow her around till she realizes it is bowl-time. I never cry, cause I have noticed that when human babies cry for their feeding bottles, they are sometimes misunderstood and given a pacifier .
I'm not fluent yet. For example, when it comes to greeting guests ringing at the door, Perky says my barkings are often a mishmash of warming and warning sounds ( I guess I still have to work on my pronunciation). You see how uber-demanding she can be ! Anyway, it's the pot calling the kettle back and I think Perky should put her own house in order, cause if you've read the post " Addictions " dated April 16, then you remember the mess she got in when she started learning Spanish. She got stuck in lesson 4 and kept repeating " Donde esta Pépé ? " ( Where is Pépé ?). Since then, Pépé is still reported missing, and Perky has not made much progress in Spanish. She has tried a new method, but when she went to her first gym session, she had to face the fact : she was still stuck ! Listen, the coach was Spanish, so an unexpected good opportunity to practice and test her knowledge ! Unfortunately, after exchanging greetings in Spanish with Carlos, Perky got tongue-tied, cause the only thing she coud have said was " un hombre come una manzana " (" a man is eating an apple" )! Difficult to fit into small talks !! Now, you know why her first steps into the fitness world left her so low-spirited !! Don't worry, I don't get discouraged as easily as Perky, so you will hear from me next week !
In the meantime, have fun and don't forget : BE PERKY !!
First off, let me introduce myself.My name is Canaille, I am an English Springer Spaniel, a sweet, cheerful and lively breed.
Here in France, Summer is in full swing, and to make the most of it, Perky, this blog's owner and my Mum, as well, has asked me to do the job and blog for her.
Last week I told you how my poor Perky fell off the wagon and let her sweet cravings (but not mine) rule the roost.
It's no big deal, cause she is used to, but better keep it under your hat !
Anyway, after appearing before pitiless weighing scales, to make amends she screwed up her courage and joined a gym.
(hey, nosy you !)
Lousy idea, isn't it ? To be honest, I was not really keen on it. First, because Perky is as stiff as a poker, and can't even bite her toes, which for me is a cakewalk !
Then, far more important, I guess she's fallen for a scam. Yes, guys, a scam !
Listen, the gym she goes to is not dog-frienly ! Don't you smell a rat ? I still can't believe my floppy ears !
But, you know, sometimes Perky is short-sighted, gung-ho, and ...I love her to bits !
Anyway, I do think that if you've got a dog, especially a jolly fellow like me, exercising is just a pushover.
So, I would appreciate if you could drop a mail in Perky's inbox* to praise all the benefits of working out with me instead of sweating out with other health nuts on fancy machines !
Here are a few hints to pepper your mails with, cause Perky can be pig-headed and then convincing her is a long shot ...
As reliable and enthusiastic trainers, four-pawed buddies are second to none.
No kidding ! Why pour money down the drain when your furry babies are ready to help you get in shape ?
So, forget ritzy gyms and costly sport outfit, and team with you dog !
Don' t have any ' fitness ' dog at home ?
Oh, I'm pawfully sorry for you, but, never mind, quite sure you can volunteer at the local rescue to take adoptable doggies for much needed walks and runs . I bet it'll be a 'pawsitive ' experience !
Another snappy argument in your " sales pitch " ?
Balls, frisbees and treats are way cheaper than any gym membership, and playing " fetch " will tone your arms and shoulders, and relieve your painful joints within a few sessions.
Yep, guys, that game is the best muscle-sculptor you'll ever experience, and the best opportunity to enjoy ' yappy ' hours with your dog.
Last but not least,when it comes to pampering your lower half, I mean your legs, bums and tums, who else can help you better than your dog ?
Nobody !! We are devoted friends , and always show willing if it is for your own good ( and ours, as well).
Personally, I'm on the chubby side, or I should say that 's what the vet keeps harping on, so I'm always thrilled to bits to take a walk. I don't want to toot my own horn, cause I know Perky may lecture me one more time, but, honestly, I'm a Jolly Walker ! Whatever the hour, the weather and the pace, I'm up for it.
Walk, walk fit, walk firm, walk off weight, that's my mantra ! A bonus ? Grassy, sandy and stony paths, and fresh air are much more exhilarating than a crazy treadmill and a smelly gym !
Last, if it is not too much trouble, could you tell Perky that after working out, to recover quickly she doesn't need to attend the yoga class. First, because I'm waiting for her and time drags when she is away, and then,if she really needs to unplug after tremendous efforts, she can pat me as much as she wants to. When it comes to stroking, I'm pretty easy-going ! That's the best way to relieve her aching muscles and clear her mind ! Don't believe me ?? Have a look at that article ! https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/mood-boosting-power-of-dogs.htm So now, guys, you're on your own ! Swamp Perky's inbox with persuasive mails. It's not too late ! She can still cancel her subscription and instead of working out with an uber demanding dog, work out with her uber caring dog ! I do count on you !! Enjoy, share and don't forget : BE PERKY ! BTW : In last week post I had asked you a riddle. Up to now, you have sent lots of funny, witty,wacky and weird answers, but nobody has found the real reason why Perky came back from her first gym session ashamed and low-spirited ! One week left before I reveal the truth, so take a chance ! * email@example.com
No inner drive today ? Just feeling like a pick-me-up ?
Great then ! You've come across the right page to slow down a bit and lighten up.
No tedium, here, nothing to suck your energy out, just short stories to have fun and look on the bright side of things.
Hold on a sec ! Sometimes those funny but true-to-life stories are told by me, Perky Busy Bee, or, by one of my dogs, Canaille, an English Springer Spaniel.
Yes, guys, a dog !
But he is mighty good, and all his posts trigger so many views that I just wonder if he is not getting big-headed, and plotting to run my blog for ever !
Anyway, this week I have no choice, he'll fill my shoes one more time, cause ...but let him tell you what happened.
A woofing hello from Canaille, the wanabee blogger !
So, the spotlight is on me again. I'll try not to hog it and shine it on Perky, but believe me, it won't be a piece of cake, cause that girl is sometimes a hard nut to crack.
Nearly one month ago she prodded me to blog for her, because here in France it was the Summer holidays season kick-off, and she wanted to make the most of it.
I'm anything but a slacker, so I got cracking immediately.
Since early July I've kept my nose to the grindstone, and I must admit that blogging is a pretty thrilling and " pawsitive " experience : a bunch of new buddies all over the world
lots of cheering ' keep going ' mails, and,of course, scrumptous treats ! Hey, come on, hard work deserves a fair reward !
Everything is going smoothly, so what's wrong with me ?
Well, this week was my week off, and I had planned to go on a nosework training, cause you know what ?
I've lost all my squeaky toys in the garden !
Yes, all of them reported missing, except one uber-bouncing ball, but unfortunately torn to pieces by a cheeky magpie !
But Perky looks so miserable that I can't let her down. A friend in need is a friend indeed, so I'll put off my scavenger hunt till late August, and here we go again !
No need to wing it, anyway.
Living with Perky is a foolproof way not to fall into a daily grind. She has the knack of jumping into a whirl of twists and turns, and pop out of it with something funny to tell all of us.
But what happened to her last week, well ...I guess she would have prefered to keep that close to the vest...
Unfortunately she has given me the green light, so it's her turn to be my laughing stock. I have often been hers, then it's fair game, isn't it ?
Of course, I don't mean to hurt her. I dig her too much !
If you ' snoop ' a little around her blog, you will realize that Perky has two quirks.
First, she is an incorrigible diet-breaker,
and then not a big subscriber to workout.
She always finds a lame excuse to succumb to the sirens' song of her sweet cravings, and when it comes to sweating out the sugar-and-butter-soaked Kouign Aman, or the huge double scoop of ice-cream,it's always the same old tune : rainy weather, tight schedule, friends to come, blah, blah, blah ...
Poor Perky ! Striving to master balance between her two foibles is just like learning tightrope walking.
So, easy to figure out that when a local youngster took over a bakery going down the drain, Perky thought the best way to help him was to advertise his products on social media.
Then, guess what !!
Before launching her advertising campaign, Perky Busy Bee turned into Perky Greedy Guinea Pig, and experienced all the baker's specialties !
Pistachio and chocolate butter cake, chocolate and orange bun, toffee donuts, prune custard flan and what not !
An all-inclusive test !!
But listen, not a wee bit of those mouth-watering temptations for me, the poor starving dog ! Always the same " It's for your own good" record !
Then what was to happen happened...
Perky hit the target and customers started queueing outside the shop, but at the same time she started wallowing in self-pity, complaining that the weighing-scales kept bugging her whenever she tiptoed on them. You see what I mean ...
Suggardaddy put his oufit of Dearhubby, and offered to join a nearby health club, and have some workout together to calm down Perky's tastebuds.
Well, running in the garden with me and playing ' Fetch the ball ' would have been a better journey to fitness and well-being, but, you know, human beings are sometimes weird.
Jeez, when Perky came back from her very first training, I didn't recognize her. No kidding ! Her face looked like an old slice of ham left too long in the fridge, you know, a kind of science project !
( a photo of Perky just back from exercising)
She was tuckered out ! She slumped onto the couch and so did I, cause I thought a heartfelt snuggle would do her good.
For me it's the best medicine, so why not for Perky ?
Quite sure she was washed out, cause she didn't even demand an immediate " jump down " from me !
So, there I was, curled up in her lap, ready for a nice cuddle. Have I told you that I am a first-rate cuddler ?
We were so comfy that Perky had a heart-to-heart with me, but in such a thin voice that I thought she wanted to shoot a remake of " The Horse Whisperer ".
I was thrilled to bits ! She and I topping the bill !
The title would be " The Dog Whisperer " !
But when she told me what happened at the health club, I bade farewell to my great expectations.
The coach who welcomed her said he would show her a 45-minute total body workout routine to kick off her new lifestyle of fitness.
Perky strived to do her best, but once she had gone through the warming-up session, she was already drained. She knew she was as stiff as a poker, but that stiff, what a shame !
The rowing machine and the elliptical trainer chipped away what was left of her mental health.
Anyway, she managed to keep smiling ,cause the coach was really friendly, caring and enthusiastic, but actually she was downcast !
Quite normal after a first session, I thought.
But when she told me why she was so low-spirited, I couldn't believe my floppy ears !