CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE :
Every Monday we drop the anchor at danysteiner.blogspot.com and have a good laugh.
For non-speaking English passengers afraid not to catch everything, onboard service offers quick and convenient access to lifejackets and lifeboats on firstname.lastname@example.org where a translator is available all round the clock.
Now that the safety instructions have been given, let's cast off !
This week we'll ride again the wave of laughter and humour at cruising speed.
You have already had many opportunities to make fun of me : you have laughed at my poor cooking, gardening,sailing and bird plucking skills, so now we'll change direction and head for Dearhubby.
Don't get me wrong. When you laugh at my expenses, I'm thrilled to the bits. But it would not be fair to leave my hubby out of our voyage.
He is the most trustworthy and reliable member of the crew.
When the sea is choppy or stormy (we all have ups and downs, don't we ?), he always stands by me and cheers me up !
So, he really deserves to be the hero of one of the stopovers of our cruise.
You see, Admiral Jacky, I pay attention to your remarks, and I hope this week story with Alain at the helm will meet your expectations !
So now, dear passengers, sit comfy in your reading nook, or curl up with your laptop on a sofa and get ready for a good laugh.
Let me tell you the story of " The Case of The Biter Bit ".
My hubby is a prankster. He has always been. When I met him, he already enjoyed playing tricks. I thinl that's one of the reasons why I immediately got a crush on him : girls like guys who make them laugh.
When he was around, anything funny could happen and even if
April Fools' Day was far away, hoaxes and practical jokes were in the air.
Don't get me wrong. He always played safe pranks, I mean, they were hilarious but totally harmless physically or emotionally !
Well, maybe except once at university.
He hid in a huge paperbin and waited there patiently,cause he knew one of his pals was about to come and empty the lecture hall waste paper basket.
When the poor guy lifted the lift, my husband popped out like a jack-in-the box.
When he saw his victim as white as a sheet, he immediately regretted his spooky prank.
Fortunately it ended up with roars of laughter.
Anyway, I married that first rate prankster, and we moved in a flat on the fifth floor. No lift but it didn't matter. We were young and we had no children and of course, no dog, either ! You remember I was scared stiff of dogs, whatever their size was.
A tiny dog walking quietly on the same pavement and I would gallop across the street. And what's more, in those days, dogs often found me worthy of further inspection. I remember once letting out horrified shrieks when an Alsatian dog started sniffing my calves !
My husband, who had been brought up with a four-legged companion, could not understand that 'phobia'.He thought it was playacting.
So, getting a dog was a knotty question we hardly ever tackled.
Then, one day, while I had gone out to fetch some bread, he decided to play a practical joke on me and to pretend he had brought a dog back home.
The smallest and quickest prank requires a minimum planning, so to make sure to pull it off, he wrote the word 'SURPRISE' in huge letters on a sheet of paper, and stuck it on the door.
As he knew approximately when I would be back, he half-opened our entrance door, and whe he heard footsteps climbing upstairs, he got down on all fours and waited ...
As soon as the landing floor creaked, he started barking in a puppylike way.
The door opened slightly, and my hubby kept acting the barking and squeaking puppy part !
Then, he realized something was going wrong ...
Still on his fours, he glanced up and discovered our caretaker looking absolutely appalled !
He stood up in a wink, but he was so abashed that the only thing he could splutter out was :
" Sorry, I tought it was my wife " !
The caretaker handed him a parcel addressed to us and hurtled down the stairs as if she had the devil on her heels !
No need to tell you, it took her long not to look upon us as ' bizarre ' people, but it took ' my biter bit ' some time, too, to feel at ease when walking past her lodge !!
For the record, one year later we took a dog, and since then we have had quite a lot, and I am a doting dogowner !!