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dimanche 22 janvier 2017

A TRUE OYSTER-LOVER ( not for the weak-hearted)





CHAPTER 102


          
                         

Hello everybody,



Ready for a new adventure ? Ready to put on your rose-coloured glasses and look on the bright side ? Great, then !

You haven't got those miracle specs yet ? Don't worry, it's never too late to jump on Perky's bandwagon .
Onboard you'll get all the tips and tricks to turn your scowls and sighs into smiles and laughs.

So, ready, steady, go !

Come on, don't be a joy-killer, stop moaning ! I know after Christmas and New Year swirl and Wonder, life is not always a bowl of cherries (fortunately,cause,sometimes, some are rotten ...), but take it easy : the clock is ticking, and within about one week, we'll bid farewell to January,and shake off some of the winter gloom.

And then what ? Then, it will be February,of course, naughty you !
The perfect month to let yourself go and treat your tastebuds ! After the early year crash diet, you deserve it, don't you ?

What's better than to indulge yourself with chocolates on Valentine
Day ? No sweetheart ? Never mind ! Just pretend to ! Rush to the nearest chocolate-maker, and, to make the most of the day, ask the
shop-assistant to giftwrap your box of heart-shaped sweets and tie a pink ribbon bow on it !
Some delicate,sweet and chic bubbles to mark the occasion, and Bob's your uncle !

After that binge, you'll have just a fortnight left to train to become the perfect pancake tosser !
Yes, Pancake Day is on February 28 ! Fortunately, cause, as 2017 is not a leap year, we would have had to do without those tastebuds delights, and, even worse, to champ at the bit till 2020 !

Now , you realize that, before you can Jack Robinson, you'll be treating yourself with all sorts of delicacies.

In the meantime, to make sure that on D-Day you get all your ducks in a row, pamper your liver and your figure, and keep your spirits high.
Outsmart winter, and, whatever the weather is , don't stay cooped up, go out and grab the shyest ray of sunlight.
You see how caring I am ! Mother hen syndrom ?
Not at all ! I just want my readers aboslutely fit and well to follow me through the twists and turns of my adventures.

I keep my fingers crossed, I have been blogging for nearly two years now, and your enthusiasm has not waned an inch !
Then, I try to do my best not disappoint your loyalty and your benevolence.

So, let's skip that sappy sugar-coated talk, otherwise you'll put an end-click to my chit-chat !

A few lines above, I told you about Pancake Day and how mastering the art of the perfect pancake toss requires a bit of practice.
As you already know, I'm a poor cook. You remember how I ill-treated a sweet innocent pumkin and turned my oven into a stake ( "The squeaky-clean pumpkin ").
Well, when it comes to flipping pancakes, I'm not better : it's just a kind of " catch me if you can " game.

I guess you must think that it doesn't matter : as I live in Brittany, to avoid ruining that day , it is easy for me to celebrate it outside.
Right you are !
In Brittany, there are crêperies nearly on every street corner, and they are the hot spots of holiday-makers.

But for those who don't have a sweet tooth, there's another Breton specialty which can be ranked first,as well : oysters !
The perfect food ! An oyster binge will never trigger any dieters'guilty feelings.
Unlike pancakes, they are low in calories and fat, and what's more, time-saving : eating them raw is the most common way to enjoy them.

So you see, breathtaking landscapes, delicious seafood,and mouthwatering sweets, Brittany is definitely the place to be !
Believe me or not, it is not deceptive advertising.

And then, guess what !

I can be a good cicerone and wax eloquent about my region's attractions, but when it comes to praising the virtues of oysters, I am not so speechful.
I have to make an effort, be unbiased, and pull myself together, cause...
I don't like oysters !

But , as the saying goes, " When in Brittany, do as the Bretons do "!
So, the first time I was invited at my in-laws', I managed to put a brave face on the huge platter of glittering, grey and briny oysters lying on their half shells on a bed of crushed ice.
After all, a good sprinkle of lemon juice and a hearty bite of brown bread should ' jazz up my ordeal '.

I was about to swallow the third one, hoping it would take the quickest slide down to my poor stomach, when the six-year-old cousin sitting just in front of me , asked me if I liked oysters.
When introduced to your future family-in-law,white lies are ok, aren't they ?

" Of course ", I answered, " don't you ? ".

" Oh no ! ", he said, " I can't stand them. You know why ? A buddy at school has told me that when you eat them, they are still alive, so, once in your tummy, to escape the slaughter, the strongest ones creep up back to your throat ! ".

Yuk ! I nearly chocked. I stared at the three  victims left in my plate.
Fortunately, if scallops have weak eyes, oysters don't have any !
Otherwise ,I think I would not have been able to bear their imploring gaze !
A bit hypocritical, isn't it ?

I looked at the little boy and said it was just nonsense.

Then, to put an end to my so-called treat, I tipped the shell up, let the oyster shouting for help slide along the death row, I mean, my throat .

What was the conversation about at that very moment ?
Not the slightest idea !
I was just praying for the oysters' fatal slip and fall.
If they survived, there would be soon an oyster bed in my stomach !

Fortunately, some time later, when I got more at ease with my mother-in-law, I told her I was a die-hard animal lover, and I could not hurt any living creature, even if it doesn't look that brainy.

" Come on, Perky ", she said, " don't beat around the bush ! A little bird told me you don't like oysters. Right ? ".

Phew ! I immediately guessed who the little bird was ...

Anyway, don't get me wrong. I am not a finicky eater : except oysters and tripes, I like everything.
So, if some day you want to invite me for brunch, lunch or dinner, you won't have to rack your brain. Whatever you have in the fridge will do !

That's al for this week, folks.

Enjoy your reading, share it with all the fun lovers you know, and don't forget : be perky !

PS : Need to improve your articulation ? Train for fun on the tongue-twister :

          She sells seashells by the seashore




                                                                 


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