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lundi 25 mai 2015

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN  : Mrs CHATTERBOX ON LINE !

I guess you have already noticed how much I enjoy writing? What you may not know is that I also love speaking. To say I am talkative is an 
understatement. It seems that runs in the family : men are doomed to listen to women around the clock !
Who's responsible for that scourge ? Could be my grand-mother ( may she rest in peace !). Let me explain it to you.

When my mum was a toddler, she was bright, affectionate, easy-going but she was slow to speak. Of course, she could say a few words but compared to her peers, she was way behind. It must have been somehow hard on my grand-mother's self esteem. I can't put the blame on her, even Einstein's parents thought he was retarded because he was 4 or 5 before he spoke !
Anyway, her daughter's stammerings upset her so much that one day she decided to take the bull by the horns.She was not a believer, but just that once she took my mum to a nearby church ( on the sly because she didn't want to be laughed at) where there was a " wish wheel ". That Carillon Wheel had 12 bells ( of different notes) which were rung formerly on special occasions but were also activated by believers or non-believers to make a wish come true. You guess my grand-mother's wish, don't you ? 
That's how it all began and that's why I am a chatterbox !!

Fortunately I have often read that instead of hiding our flaws, we should learn how to use them to our advantage. That's what I put into practice not long ago..Read on to find out how.

After hanging up on an umpteenth cold caller, I was just thoroughly browned off.Although being on a ' stop cold calls list ',over the past months I had been hassled by cold callers at any time of the day, offering their services for solar panels, life insurance and even funeral insurance ( gosh ! already ?).
As usual I had asked Mr Google for help, but among the tactics suggested, none suited me :

. Hanging up didn't work anymore. I was called back later on.
. Keeping a whistle by the phone and then blowing it loudly as close to the 
  earpiece as possible when the person asked me a question was unfair and
  unhealthy !
. Pretending I was hard of hearing to make them repeat themselves was
  exhausting for me, as well.
. Making pig noises : after a few rehearsals it turned out I didn't sound 
  credible.

What could I do ?? I was brassed off ! Then it crossed my mind that I could
use my chattering power to tire out the next cold caller.It worked perfectly !

When I lifted the receiver and heard a voice mispronounce my name, I knew time had come to practise my oratory ..

I introduced myself and explained the different ways to pronounce my surname, its origin and its meaning. On the other end of the line the boy tried to interrupt me, in vain. 
When he could get a word in edgeways and asked me if I had double glazing, I started telling him the story of the wonder squeegee ( see chapter 14).
No comma, no full stop, no pause, just a flow of words ( well, after that I thought I could be a barker).

Suddenly the line went dead. Yippee !! I had won the fight by a K.O.

That just proves that being very talkative can be a serious advantage !

Now I have to prove it to my half and that will be another kettle of fish !!

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