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mardi 24 novembre 2015

HAIR-RAISING BLUNDER ?



CHAPTER FORTY-ONE


First of all, I do apologize for not updating my blog last week, but like all of you I was shattered and unable to pull myself together. I was numb with shock and grief, and writing something funny was way beyond me !

Anyway, this week, fed up with the newscasters repeating over and over again the same minute ( and sometimes meaningless) details, I have decided to have a screen-free week.

Today, I'll try to deal with tragedy through humor and I hope I'll change your mind off things.

So, what about starting with a short quiz to find out if you are likely to win the tactlessness world champion title. 
Why such a quiz ? Well, you'll understand afterwards...
Do not think about the questions too long. This test is not based on any scientific study whatsoever. It is intended for fun only ! So, just give straightforward answers.

QUESTIONS :

. Have you ever made a blunder ?
. When asked to keep a secret, have you spilled the beans inadvertently ?
. Have you ever wished you had thought twice before speaking ?
. Have you ever wanted the earth to swallow you up ?

RESULTS :

. O/1 yes answers : you are thoughtful and tactful, perhaps a bit demure 
                                   and shy, as well.Forget about winning the title !

. 2 yes answers      : you happen to let go, but so rarely that the title will
                                    never be yours.

. 3 yes answers      : you have found the golden mean, but you can tip the 
                                    balance and take the biscuit ! It's up to you ...

. 4 yes answers      : congratulations ! I was looking for the perfect 
                                    blunderer and you fit the bill !!

Now let me tell you about an awful blunder of mine and we'll see if we can be placed equal first.


You remember I am just a budding  gardener, plus let's be honest, a fair weather gardener,as well, and I have not proven myself very reliable when it comes to upkeep. Anyway, my fruit trees are the apple of my eye, and I wanted to learn how to properly prune them. One snip of shears  too many and I can kiss good-bye to 2016 harvest.
So, when I heard there was a pruning demonstration in the nearby nursery garden, I decided to attend it.

The demonstration went on smoothly and I took down notes to make sure to use my tools properly.
Then questions were encouraged from the audience, and the use of pesticides was brougth up.As most people were against, everyone gave their own tips and tricks. Dear me, why did I stick my oar in ?? I must have been in a daze, that's the only reason I can find.
I raised my hand and said :

" I have been told that spreading hair on the grass around the trunk keeps pest away."

There was an awkward silence, then a huge roar of laughter rang out !
All eyes were on me !I glanced at the man in charge of the demonstration, he was pointing at his skull : he was BALD !!

Why hadn't I thought twice before speaking ? Because I am a first-class blunderer.I am not about to give up my world champion title , unless the results of the quiz show that you are within a hair's breadth of standing on the podium beside me !


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