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dimanche 3 janvier 2016

ALL CATS ARE GREY IN THE DARK



CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN



Late September I told you about my smoothly-running method to keep consistent in blogging.So, you remember ( You don't ? Come on, you're faithful and lenient readers,so pretend you do !) the only snag was not to tell my short stories but how to start them, I mean, how to pull the trigger. Well, I don't freeze up at the sight of my blank page any longer, but hooking you right off the bat is till my main concern.
This time I thought I would get away with that hands down. Thanks to the tradition of season's greetings, I would get into the very heart of the matter in a wink. Indeed, early January was the perfect moment to buck up your spirits with some confidence-boosting sentences, some inspirational quotes, or something in the same line.So, I started browsing on the Net to get the most peaceful and cheerful phrase for you.
Is it just to be awkward or is it the " feel good thoughts " websites glut, I really don't know, but the fact remains that after a while I got grumpy ! Cloud Cuckoo Land and its
over-optimistic fantasy were getting on my nerves ! I was sick of all those soppy
do-gooders ! It was high time to let off the steam. That's the dark side of Dany The Perky Busy Bee ...

Xmas and New Year spending sprees have washed me out, and feeding the fridge ( no, it is not a typing mistake, I do mean " feeding " that greedy monster) is a fatigue party that has drawn me to the following conclusion :

I HATE SUPERMARKETS

Don't get me wrong ! I don't mind household shopping as long as it is in small shops where shopkeepers greet you with a smile and advise you on what to choose. Unfortunately such places are increasingly rare.
No, when I say I hate supermarkets, I mean those self-service shops located on the outskirts of the towns, in the middle of huge car-parks, and offering an outrageous variety of food and household products, organized into aisles where suckers and milch cows get lost ! ( Sorry for that slip-up, but when it comes to giving my opinion on some subjects, I happen to speak bluntly ! ). Their deeply oppressive buying environment puts me in a serial killer mood !
Everything is impersonal, except the shopping trolleys. Have you noticed those evil vehicles have a mind of their own ? You push them straight, they go left, you try to pull them left, they go right ! I have known for long that anything that has four wheels is not for me, but why the heck can't I steer at least a shopping cart ?? Should I be doomed to drive just a wheelbarrow ? ( Can you picture me loading the barrow with all my shopping, lifting the handles, moving off and trying to keep the momentum to help balance ? Of course, you can't, and I can't either ! ). Anyway, let's face it : even if trolleys are sometimes stubborn as a mule,  they are the key players of supermarkets.
One more thing, if you don't mind : supermarket music . I know all the talk about the reason for loud music in shopping areas, but as far as I am concerned, whatever the time, it is always too early to stomach the season latest hit !

Well, after my indictment of supermarkets ( strongly biased, I must admit), I guess you will be a bit suprised if I tell you that my last visit to one of those dens of iniquity "
 gave me a fit of giggles !

As I don' have my driving license ( for pedestrians' sake), my hubby was in charge of steering the overfilled trolley out of the shop and I was to press the button on the car key remote to unlock the boot. I pressed once, twice, three times, in vain : my finger joints got white with my strong pressure, but the boot remained desperately locked, and the front and rear doors, as well !
Ten kilometres on foot to fetch the set of spare keys and come back was doable, but it was getting dark and it was not the best solution. Hitchhiking ? It seemed it was not our lucky day, so we were likely to be given a lift by a reckless driver or a squiffy one ( quite common between Boxing Day and New Year's Eve).
So, there we were, hatching plans to break into our car, when someone behind us gave a slight cough and said : " Anything wrong ?".
We both turned round, shrugged our shoulders, showed the keyless remote and sputtered : " Out of battery !".
The man burst out laughing and told us we could use our remote just to unlock our own car, and for the moment we were standing in front of his car !
We were in such a  hurry to go back home that we had gone to the wrong car without paying attention to the number plate !
Suddenly, quite sheepish, we caught sight of our car parked a little farther ! Canaille who had been indulging himself with a nap on the rear seat, had woken up and was rolling his eyes at us !

Phew !! For once a happy end !

Yet, I hope my little mishap will help you to realize how brainwashing supermarkets can be !!

Dany, a well-wisher !

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