CHAPTER NINETY-TWO :
Cold calls : does that ring a bell ? Sure,it does,cause not that long ago we were permanently harassed by their ominous ringings. I even think those damned callers had managed to fix spy cams in my place,cause they used to call me whenever I was on a tight schedule. One of their tricks to break me down ? Perhaps ...
Anyway, was I preparing a " must-keep-an-eye-on " recipe, and they would phone and urge me to come to the nearby town to be shown the perfect fitted kitchen ! Time to sayI was not interested and hang up, and my expectations of a yummy meal had stuck to the bottom of the pan !
About to wriggle my toes in a relaxing bubbling bath ? A few rings would ruin my dip ! No time to blot myself dry, I would drip to the phone and be offered to invest in solar panels to reduce my electricity bill !
Once more, I would say I was not interested, I would hang up, drip back to the bathroom to find out that the sneaky bathtub stopper had let half the water run away !! With a bit of luck, next time I answered the phone, I would get a good bargain for the Rolls Royce of the bathtub plugs ! Who knows ...
As days went by and cold calls kept increasing,my nerves were getting on edge.
Then guess what !
An understanding telemarketer suggested me to change my complementary health insurance for something more ' customized ' !
That was the last straw !
All those cheeky harassers were playing with my mental health and thought I was doomed to surrender !
Well, if they expected me to wave the white flag, they were barking up the wrong tree !!
For fear to smash the phone into pieces next time it rang, I registered on a do-not-call list.
Then, the phone went so quiet, that I happened to lift the receiver to check the dialling tone.
I felt so relieved that , last week when, upon answering the phone, I was invited to participate in a survey, I accepted cheerfully.
After all, why not ?
No offer of double-glazing, life insurance or any kind of once-in-a lifetime deal !
Just a few questions !
What about ?
Drivers'behaviour. You know , " do you rage behind the wheel ? do you play pole position ? do you drive speed limit ? " , and all that jazz.
When I had gone through all the quiz, the man congratulated me and said that, unless I had lied, I was the most respectful driver he had ever met !
I hung up and hurried to announce the good news to Dearhubby !
He put down his newspaper, stared at me and said :
" Let me remind you, Perky, that you don't have your driving licence ! ".
Damn it ! He was right ! No driving-inspector had ever been kind or careless enough to give it to me !
Even worse, I still remember a scared-stiff instructor who warned me that it was a matter of life or death : either I stopped taking lessons or he would resign ! You see ...
Don't worry : you can cross the street carefreely ! As years go by, I have given up the idea of someone telling me " Baby you can drive my car ".(do you remember that song ?)
The only things I am good at driving are strollers, shopping- carts and wheelbarrows !
I have to face the fact : I'm just a poor lonesome pedestrian !
As you know, drivers and pedestrians usually don't get on well. The same people sometimes, but not the same behaviour, depending which side of the windscreen they are !
Well, as a pedestrian, I'm quite strict about my rights, and I happen to be rather rude when they are not respected. I know it's no use, but flaring up and letting off steam sometimes do good !
Last time it happened, I was on my way to a dinner-party.
I was a bit late and ,I guess, a bit distracted, as well...
So, I had crossed half a busy thoroughfare, when the light turned green.
Instead of stepping onto the refuge island, I kept walking forward.
A driver honked his horn at me so loudly that I jumped with fright, stopped dead, and burnt him with one of the worst insults I know.
I won't tell you which one, but " asshole and jerk " are just small potatoes compared to my curse ...
The driver just smiled and waved an apology.
Half-an-hour later when I arrived at the party, the hostess inroduced me to a couple of friends of hers.
Before I could say Jack Robinson, the man exclaimed :
" I think we have already met somewhere. Your face is familiar to me !"
Jeez !! I turned as red as a beetroot ! The man I was shaking hands with was the driver I had called names !!
He gave me a knowing smile and continued :
" Heavy traffic tonight, isn't it ? ".
I could just utter a weak 'yes '.
All throughout the dinner, I did my best to behave as a well-mannered girl, but whenever our eyes met, it seemed I could read my insult in his mocking glance !!
When the party was over, and all the guests about to leave, he came to me and said :
" Can we give you a lift ? It's late and streets aren't safe, are they ? ".
If he kept on rubbing it in, I would tell him a few home truths !!
Fortunately, I pulled myself together, turned down his offer politely, and said :
" Thanks a lot, but I enjoy walking in the streets at night. Far less traffic, far fewer impatient drivers, far fewer honks, just quietness and peace ! "
A word to the wise is enough ....
That's all for this week, dear drivers and pedestrians !
Enjoy your rides, enjoy your walks, and don't forget :be perky !
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