A DOG IDIOM STORY

Hi,

My name is Canaille. I am an English Springer Spaniel and I live in France, at the very tip of Brittany.

If you have been hanging about here long, you probably know me, cause Perky, this blog's owner, often tells you about my silly antics.

This week Perky is pretty busy outside and she has decided to let me be her spokesman.

Actually, she didn't ask me to be her spokesman, but her spokesdog, cause we both live in the dogaholic world where everydoggy is pawesome and always ready to lend a paw to a buddy in need.

But don't get me wrong. It doen't mean that using a few doggy words now and then is enough to claim you speak dog fluently.

For example, if you really want to sound like a genuine dog -lover, there are two phrases to avoid, cause they are real bones of contention between dogs and their owners.

Want to know which ones?

OK, then here is the first one :

" IT IS A DOG'S LIFE

When people say that, they mean life is hard. What a bunch of hypocrites!

Quite sure that if given the  opportunity, most dog owners would trade their lives for the life their dogs are living. Just good food, cuddles and naps. 

Well, for my part, sometimes I am on a tight schedule, and then my biggest problem is whether I should play with my red ball or the yellow one, play music with my squealy toys or beg for a treat.

But, I guess when life is not wine and roses, you would be ready to swap your life for mine, so next time you used  " it's a dog's life ", think about me!

The second phrase is by far the one I hate most!

DOGDAYS

I had never heard it till the early days of July. That's when things went wrong.

Perky was reading the weather forecast aloud and when she said that dogdays in Brittany were on, she sounded so happy that first I thought it was something like " Every dog has its day ", you know that phrase which lets us hope that sooner or later we'll be successful.

Poor me! How foolish I was! 

Actually, the  damned " dogdays  "phrase sounded the end of my carefree ooutdoor life.

Whenever I wanted to play " fetch ", have a wild race in the garden, or  go with Daddy and Perky for a car ride, Perky refused and kept repeating " No, you can't, because of dogdays! ".

I didn't know who those dogs were, but they were really getting on my nerves.

Then, one day, the kitchen door was ajar, and, as Perky was having a nap under the parasol, I managed to sneak out

Jeez! It was scorching hot, and the gravels of the alley nearly burnt my paws.

No way to frolic in the grass and sniff the news, too hot!!

When I came back home panting, Perky said " Now, you know what dogdays are! "

And to crown it all, she gave me a shower, one more time because of DOGDAYS!

So now let sleeping dog lie!

I wish you a pawesome day!

DO DOGS REALIZE HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN AWAY?

Do dogs realize how long you have been away?

It is often said that most of them don't. I mean they always perform the same franctically welcoming dance, whether you've been out just to check the mail or for a whole day's work.

Yet,some dogs are smarter and can make the difference between an excusable delay and a kind of carelessness.

Do they have an inner time clock, an hourglass, or do they just track the movement of the sun?

I really don't know, but, anyway, for those guys, time is not a thing to be trifled with, and, believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

Jolux, the very first dog I got, was rather fussy about punctuality.

When coming back from work, if I dared punch the clock ten minutes later than usual, a plea for mercy was vain.

I mean, I was quite sure to find him busy digging socks out of the washbin, tearing the newspaper, or even worse, surfing on the dining-room table to get a bite at the bamboo lampshade!

His naughty reprisals quickly showed me he always realized how long I had been away.

That smart dog was rather fussy about hours, but about days, as well!

Did he  hide a calendar in his basket and cross the squares as days went by?

I can't believe it, but then how could he make the difference between working days and days off?

I don't know, but at weekends the least attempt to go out without him immediately triggered his " I'm a poor lonesome dog " song!

For the sake of our neighbours, we used to take our " crooner " with us wherever we went.

Yet, once, we were to visit friends in Holland, and travelling with our puppy would have been a bit complicated, so we left him at my parents' for a " cuddles and treats " weekend.

When we came back and rang at my parents' door, we were expecting a wagging tail and cheerful woofs.

Well, we had all that, but just for a few seconds…

Suddenly he looked at us resentfully, and then turned his back on us and stared at the wall for the next couple of hours!!

That was the rate : one hour sulking for one day absent.

So, do dogs know how long you leave them? Well it's up to you to decide, but just let me tell you that whenever I leave my dogs at home, that's what I can read in their eyes :

PEDESTRIANS AND DRIVERS : FRIENDS OR FOES?

It is well-known that pedestrians and drivers usually don't get on well. Quite often the same people, but not the same behaviour, depending which side of the windscreen they are.

As a pedestrian, I am quite strict about my rights, and I happen to be rather rude when they are not respected. I know it's no use, but letting off steam sometimes does good!

Last time it happened, I was on my way to a dinner party. I was a bit late, and I guess a bit distracted, as well.

I had already crossed half a busy avenue, when the light turned green, and instead of stepping onto the refuge island, I kept walking toward.

A driver honked his horn at me so loudly that I jumped with fright, stopped dead and then...burnt him with some of the worst insults I know. I won't tell you which ones, but " asshole " or " jerk " are just small potatoes compared to what got out of my angry pedestrian's mouth.

The driver just smiled and waved an apology.

Half-an-hour later when I arrived at the party, the hostess introduced me to a couple of guests, and that's when things went wrong.

" I think we've already met somewhere ", the man exclaimed, " your face is kind of  familiar to me ".

Jeez!!! My knees went weak, my heart skipped beats and I turned as red as a beetroot.

Guess what!!

The driver I had showered with insults was looking at me wrily.

All throughout the dinner I felt uncomfortable, cause whenever our eyes met, I could read my curse words in the man's mocking glance.

When the party was over, he came to me and said  " You have come on foot, haven't you? It's late , my wife and I will give you a lift ".

That guy was really rubbing it in!!

Fortunately my inner pedestrian came for help and I turned down his offer and said :

" Thanks a lot, but I enjoy walking in the streets at night. Far less traffic, far fewer impatient drivers, far fewer honks, you see what I mean, just quietness and peace ".

A bit naughty, but that's the only way I found to dodge the question:  Pedestrians and drivers : friends or foes? ".

DO ONE THING EVERY DAY THAT SCARES YOU

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Do you know that challenging quote by Eleanor Roosevelt?

A good  way to test our courage, gain self-confidence, self-esteem, and why not sucess in whatever we want to achieve.

Well, if you are anything like me, easier said than done!

No need to rack my brain to find scary things which make my heart skip beats.

You see, just walking alone in the garden when it is pitch dark, catching a hairy and creepy spider, or singing in public gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Want to know a secret?

Even telling my hairdresser I hate the new hairdo she has tested on me is a hair-raising experience (well, not so hair-raising, cause if it were, I wouldn't look like a " balding bird ").

Actually, I am anything but an adventurer, and I usually chicken out when it comes to spicing up my life with some daring and scary stuff.

But a while ago, fate seemed to conspire against me to corner me and strain my nerves…

Last May we visited our daughter who lives in San Francisco, and while we were there, she took us to Yosemite Park, her favourite place when she wants to escape the concrete jungle and step into the wild.

When we arrived at the Majestic Yosemite Hotel, Dearhubby didn't fail to remind me that it was the hotel which had inspired Stanley Kubrick for the interior design of his famous horror film " The Shining ".

Just a walk through the huge lounge and its gargantuan fireplaces was enough to remember some of the most spine-chilling scenes of the movie.

If you haven't seen it, I think you will get the picture if I tell you that it is based on a novel by Stephen King, the master of horror, and that when it was released, it really scared the pants off lots of people.

So, no need to tell you that, at night, once in bed, some spooky pictures of the film invaded my mind, and I had to muzzle my imagination not to scare myself with the weird noises I was, of course, the only one to hear!

I can't understand why the wooden floor creaks louder in the dark and  why the air-conditioning start whispering threatening gibberish once the lights are off!

Is it just me or is it the dark side of night?

Anyway, I managed to be brave and survive. To be honest, thanks to the earplugs i had been given on the plane.

But the worst was to come, and what I had to face the next morning is the spookiest real-life experience I have ever had, and I guess I am done with Eleanor Roosevelt and her quote " Do one thing everyday that scares you "!

Have a guess ! All your ideas are welcome on :

perkybusybee@gmail.com

or on my facebook page :

https://www.facebook.com/Short-Stories-for-English-learners...