A DOG IDIOM STORY

Hi,

My name is Canaille. I am an English Springer Spaniel and I live in France, at the very tip of Brittany.

If you have been hanging about here long, you probably know me, cause Perky, this blog's owner, often tells you about my silly antics.

This week Perky is pretty busy outside and she has decided to let me be her spokesman.

Actually, she didn't ask me to be her spokesman, but her spokesdog, cause we both live in the dogaholic world where everydoggy is pawesome and always ready to lend a paw to a buddy in need.

But don't get me wrong. It doen't mean that using a few doggy words now and then is enough to claim you speak dog fluently.

For example, if you really want to sound like a genuine dog -lover, there are two phrases to avoid, cause they are real bones of contention between dogs and their owners.

Want to know which ones?

OK, then here is the first one :

" IT IS A DOG'S LIFE

When people say that, they mean life is hard. What a bunch of hypocrites!

Quite sure that if given the  opportunity, most dog owners would trade their lives for the life their dogs are living. Just good food, cuddles and naps. 

Well, for my part, sometimes I am on a tight schedule, and then my biggest problem is whether I should play with my red ball or the yellow one, play music with my squealy toys or beg for a treat.

But, I guess when life is not wine and roses, you would be ready to swap your life for mine, so next time you used  " it's a dog's life ", think about me!

The second phrase is by far the one I hate most!

DOGDAYS

I had never heard it till the early days of July. That's when things went wrong.

Perky was reading the weather forecast aloud and when she said that dogdays in Brittany were on, she sounded so happy that first I thought it was something like " Every dog has its day ", you know that phrase which lets us hope that sooner or later we'll be successful.

Poor me! How foolish I was! 

Actually, the  damned " dogdays  "phrase sounded the end of my carefree ooutdoor life.

Whenever I wanted to play " fetch ", have a wild race in the garden, or  go with Daddy and Perky for a car ride, Perky refused and kept repeating " No, you can't, because of dogdays! ".

I didn't know who those dogs were, but they were really getting on my nerves.

Then, one day, the kitchen door was ajar, and, as Perky was having a nap under the parasol, I managed to sneak out

Jeez! It was scorching hot, and the gravels of the alley nearly burnt my paws.

No way to frolic in the grass and sniff the news, too hot!!

When I came back home panting, Perky said " Now, you know what dogdays are! "

And to crown it all, she gave me a shower, one more time because of DOGDAYS!

So now let sleeping dog lie!

I wish you a pawesome day!

DO DOGS REALIZE HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN AWAY?

Do dogs realize how long you have been away?

It is often said that most of them don't. I mean they always perform the same franctically welcoming dance, whether you've been out just to check the mail or for a whole day's work.

Yet,some dogs are smarter and can make the difference between an excusable delay and a kind of carelessness.

Do they have an inner time clock, an hourglass, or do they just track the movement of the sun?

I really don't know, but, anyway, for those guys, time is not a thing to be trifled with, and, believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

Jolux, the very first dog I got, was rather fussy about punctuality.

When coming back from work, if I dared punch the clock ten minutes later than usual, a plea for mercy was vain.

I mean, I was quite sure to find him busy digging socks out of the washbin, tearing the newspaper, or even worse, surfing on the dining-room table to get a bite at the bamboo lampshade!

His naughty reprisals quickly showed me he always realized how long I had been away.

That smart dog was rather fussy about hours, but about days, as well!

Did he  hide a calendar in his basket and cross the squares as days went by?

I can't believe it, but then how could he make the difference between working days and days off?

I don't know, but at weekends the least attempt to go out without him immediately triggered his " I'm a poor lonesome dog " song!

For the sake of our neighbours, we used to take our " crooner " with us wherever we went.

Yet, once, we were to visit friends in Holland, and travelling with our puppy would have been a bit complicated, so we left him at my parents' for a " cuddles and treats " weekend.

When we came back and rang at my parents' door, we were expecting a wagging tail and cheerful woofs.

Well, we had all that, but just for a few seconds…

Suddenly he looked at us resentfully, and then turned his back on us and stared at the wall for the next couple of hours!!

That was the rate : one hour sulking for one day absent.

So, do dogs know how long you leave them? Well it's up to you to decide, but just let me tell you that whenever I leave my dogs at home, that's what I can read in their eyes :

PEDESTRIANS AND DRIVERS : FRIENDS OR FOES?

It is well-known that pedestrians and drivers usually don't get on well. Quite often the same people, but not the same behaviour, depending which side of the windscreen they are.

As a pedestrian, I am quite strict about my rights, and I happen to be rather rude when they are not respected. I know it's no use, but letting off steam sometimes does good!

Last time it happened, I was on my way to a dinner party. I was a bit late, and I guess a bit distracted, as well.

I had already crossed half a busy avenue, when the light turned green, and instead of stepping onto the refuge island, I kept walking toward.

A driver honked his horn at me so loudly that I jumped with fright, stopped dead and then...burnt him with some of the worst insults I know. I won't tell you which ones, but " asshole " or " jerk " are just small potatoes compared to what got out of my angry pedestrian's mouth.

The driver just smiled and waved an apology.

Half-an-hour later when I arrived at the party, the hostess introduced me to a couple of guests, and that's when things went wrong.

" I think we've already met somewhere ", the man exclaimed, " your face is kind of  familiar to me ".

Jeez!!! My knees went weak, my heart skipped beats and I turned as red as a beetroot.

Guess what!!

The driver I had showered with insults was looking at me wrily.

All throughout the dinner I felt uncomfortable, cause whenever our eyes met, I could read my curse words in the man's mocking glance.

When the party was over, he came to me and said  " You have come on foot, haven't you? It's late , my wife and I will give you a lift ".

That guy was really rubbing it in!!

Fortunately my inner pedestrian came for help and I turned down his offer and said :

" Thanks a lot, but I enjoy walking in the streets at night. Far less traffic, far fewer impatient drivers, far fewer honks, you see what I mean, just quietness and peace ".

A bit naughty, but that's the only way I found to dodge the question:  Pedestrians and drivers : friends or foes? ".

DO ONE THING EVERY DAY THAT SCARES YOU

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Do you know that challenging quote by Eleanor Roosevelt?

A good  way to test our courage, gain self-confidence, self-esteem, and why not sucess in whatever we want to achieve.

Well, if you are anything like me, easier said than done!

No need to rack my brain to find scary things which make my heart skip beats.

You see, just walking alone in the garden when it is pitch dark, catching a hairy and creepy spider, or singing in public gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Want to know a secret?

Even telling my hairdresser I hate the new hairdo she has tested on me is a hair-raising experience (well, not so hair-raising, cause if it were, I wouldn't look like a " balding bird ").

Actually, I am anything but an adventurer, and I usually chicken out when it comes to spicing up my life with some daring and scary stuff.

But a while ago, fate seemed to conspire against me to corner me and strain my nerves…

Last May we visited our daughter who lives in San Francisco, and while we were there, she took us to Yosemite Park, her favourite place when she wants to escape the concrete jungle and step into the wild.

When we arrived at the Majestic Yosemite Hotel, Dearhubby didn't fail to remind me that it was the hotel which had inspired Stanley Kubrick for the interior design of his famous horror film " The Shining ".

Just a walk through the huge lounge and its gargantuan fireplaces was enough to remember some of the most spine-chilling scenes of the movie.

If you haven't seen it, I think you will get the picture if I tell you that it is based on a novel by Stephen King, the master of horror, and that when it was released, it really scared the pants off lots of people.

So, no need to tell you that, at night, once in bed, some spooky pictures of the film invaded my mind, and I had to muzzle my imagination not to scare myself with the weird noises I was, of course, the only one to hear!

I can't understand why the wooden floor creaks louder in the dark and  why the air-conditioning start whispering threatening gibberish once the lights are off!

Is it just me or is it the dark side of night?

Anyway, I managed to be brave and survive. To be honest, thanks to the earplugs i had been given on the plane.

But the worst was to come, and what I had to face the next morning is the spookiest real-life experience I have ever had, and I guess I am done with Eleanor Roosevelt and her quote " Do one thing everyday that scares you "!

Have a guess ! All your ideas are welcome on :

perkybusybee@gmail.com

or on my facebook page :

https://www.facebook.com/Short-Stories-for-English-learners...

HOLIDAYING WITH A DOG

Taking my dog on holiday with me?

Come on, I'm an unapologetic dogaholic, so it's just a kind of no-brainer, and believe me or not, holidaying with my four-legged buddy always adds to the fun.

Ages ago, Dearhubby and I decided to go backpacking on a Greek island with a couple of friends, and, of course, Jolux, our one-year-old cocker.

After going through the awkward age and wreaking havoc in our home, our puppy had decided to nip his vocation of " interior designer " in the bud, and had become such a well-behaved dog that he was even allowed to travel in the passenger cabin.

Then, once on the island, everything went on smoothly till we ran out of dry pet food.

Asking the natives where we could get something for him turned into a real headache. Whatever they answered was Greek to us! (sorry, I couldn't resist the pun).

We tried to convince our poor dog of the health benefits of the Mediterranean diet, but in vain. He couldn't stomach it any more, and we had to eat our words.

We were getting fed up, but Jolux was not!

We were in an open air restaurant, wondering how to get some meaty stuff for him, when Dearhubby had a bright idea.

He would order two courses : a Greek salad, and meatballs with spaghetti, and he would give the latter to our " reluctant  vegan ". On the sly, of course!

As soon as the waiter had served us, Dearhubby immediately spooned the spaghetti dish into our dog's bowl under the table. That trick took him just a few seconds. Hardly had he put the plate back on the table when the waiter came back with some water. 

When he saw the empty plate, he nearly dropped the jug! He stared at Dearhubby, and rushed back inside to tell the cook to keep cooking, cause there was a guy outside eating like a horse, and even worse, awfully quickly!

When Jolux licked Dearhubby's hand, I immediately knew he meant " I owe you one! ", and I was right.

A few days later, we were on dog-friendly little beach, and as Jolux's first pawing into the sea had turned into a failure  because of a sneaky urchin, we tied him to the parasol before going for a swim.

As Dearhubby enjoys snorkelling, he started swimming off the coast, and soon we could hardly see him in the far distance.

Don't get me wrong, nothing to worry about, except for our dog whose inner lifeguard suddenly woke up. Dearhubby, the one who had saved him from starvation, was too far. Sure he needed his help!

Then he followed his heart, dragged the parasol to the shore, dived headfirst, and ….nearly drowned because of the weight of the parasol!

As a medal of bravery, he was awarded another spaghetti course!  

DO DOGS ENJOY WATCHING TV?

Do dogs enjoy watching TV?

A lot of dog owners claim their pooch watches television, but does it mean they really enjoy it?

One thing is clear : not as much as humans do.

Come on, it's a no-brainer! I've had quite a few dogs, and none of them has ever spent hours glued to the gogglebox!

Even better, whenever I have suffered from binge-watching (due to my subscription to Netflix), they have always done their best to help me go cold turkey. How?

. By pacing up and down the screen to blur the pictures.

. By squeezing their squeakiest toy to cover the sound.

. By jumping onto my lap to make a nose-to-nose cuddle and hide the 

  screen.

. By barking their favourite tune (" Stop watching that junk, come back 

  to the real world, and let's go for a walk ") till I turn off the box.

So, I guess I can say that none of my dogs has ever shown any interest in telly. Quite the contrary! Once, one of them got so bored with it that he risked life and limb and chewed on the remote!

Should I have taken out a subscription to DogTV (https://www.dogtv.com)?

Hey, come on, I want to keep my dogs healthy and peppy!

Yet, some time ago, Canaille, my English Springer Spaniel, had to strive not to turn into a couch potato…

Let me walk you through.

I don't play tennis, but I enjoy watching it, so last May during Roland Garros, the French Open tennis tournament, I never missed a match and ...neither did Canaille.

The sound of the ball drove him crazy.

I guess he didn't really catch the rules of that new " Fetch the ball " game, but he did his best to be the ball boy.

Every time the ball hit the ground, he ran around, panting and wearing himself out. In vain! The ball was nowhere to be found!!

And yet, all throughout the tournament, he never gave up.

But, after all, as Pierre de Coubertin said " The important thing in life is not to triumph but to participate ".

Since then, he doesn't care about TV anymore, and prefers a good 

" Fetch the ball " game in the open air.

Is he training for Roland Garros 2019? Who knows…

Anyway, don't tell him the Football World Cup is going on, he could get addicted!

ARE YOU READY TO TAKE A DOG?

As a dogaholic, of course I often gush about how awesome it is to share my life with Canaille and Ulysse,my twodogs.

But if you were about to get a dog, I would advise you to read my post before stepping into the funny-furry dogs'world…

Jolux, the first dog I got, melted my heart and pawed away my fear of dogs in a split second! He was the cutest cocker I had ever met.

Although he had an aristocratic name ( du Roquevent),he was none the better-mannered!

Teaching him to do his business outside took me quite a while. You get the picture : bye-bye my polished wooden floor, my clean carpets and the spick and span kitchen tiles. In those days, stain remover manufacturers must have trippled their sales thanks to my " leaky puppy ".

Yet, that was not the worst…

Telling him not to do a puppystyle housework, while I was away, was useless.

He was just willing to help.

So, every day on my way back home I always wondered what he would have been working on.

One day he was a hard-working shoe-maker and turned my brand new shoes into flip-flops. At the time, flip-flops were not trendy, and anyway, walking nearly bare foot  was out of question.

Another day, he was my private secretary, checked the mail, and then shredded it conscientiously. It took me a while and a lot of patience to put his makeshift puzzle together, but when I realized it was the notification to attend my end of the year exam, no need to tell you that I nearly blew a gasket!

His unbounded imagination turned my life into a kind of scary scenic railway : discovering his presence on a cushion explosion scene made me boil over whereas his non-guilty pleading eyes cooled me down.

So, scoldings and cuddles were our lot, but to be honest,his naughtyness was beggining to make me go nuts.

Then, one day, a friend of mine offered to come to my place to see what she could do with my little rascal. 

Her boyfriend was a dog-breeder, so she could show me some tips and tricks to turn Jolux into a puppy as good as gold.

Sure,some waves of her magic wand would blow away the malevolent spirits haunting my poor dog. You see, a kind of remake of " The Exorcist ".

Perhaps, my expectations were a bit too high…

Once on the landing of my flat, I couldn't open the door, and Jolux inside was whinning as if frightened.

Jeez!! Sure there were burglars in and a hostage taking was on its way!

It was high time to call for a locksmith.

Forty-five mintes later our " saver " turned up and managed a successful " open sesame ".

Jolux, my little odd jobber, to get rid of the corridor fitted carpet, had rolled it in front of the entrance door, and had ended up squeezed under it!

My friend just uttered a " Hello buddy, everything's gonna be allright now, Mummy is back! ".

And before I could tell Jolux off, she was holding him tight in her arms and whispering sweet nothings in his ears!!

That's how I understood dogs have an inner Casanova ready to spring out and pick you up as soon as you give them a glance.

So, before homing a dog, make sure you are brave and cool enough to dive into the hurly-burly of a life full of emotion for better or for worse!