I HATE FITTING-ROOMS!

Fitting-rooms are one of my pet-hate. I hate their merciless mirrors, their deceiving lights, and, above all, their curtains that never close all the way so anybody can see me trying to wriggle into too-tight clothes.

Anyway, last Spring  I wanted to buy a dress and I couldn't avoid a trip to the nearby shop fitting-room.

So, there I was, all in a sweat, fed up and eager to flee that gruesome scene of self-torture.

I slipped clumsily into a pencil dress, and what was to happen happened…

I had forgotten to unzip it properly and it turned into a straight jacket in a wink : my head was half-stuck in the neckline and my arms were trapped in that awful " cigarette case "!

I tried to call for help. In vain! Sure, that dress was good value for money, cause, even though the zip was not that convenient, the fabric was pretty thick and muffled my voice totally!

After useless calls, I decided to shriek.

Bingo! A few seconds later I could feel the shop-assistant's helpful hand zip the dress down!!

Just a glance at myself was enough to crown my misfortune : tousled hair, red cheeks marked by the dress neckline, and my mouth wide open to take my breath back.

What a mortifying sight!

Then, guess what!

I was feeling so grateful to the shop-assistant for helping me to wriggle out of the dress that I bought it, even though it did not fit me like a glove, let alone like a dress.

Now, I guess you understand why I hate fitting-rooms. What about you?

LOOKING FOR A BILINGUAL DOG-SITTER

Believe me or not, in France it is not that easy to find a dog-sitter.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for the rare gem, but just for someone speaking dog fluently, cause I don't want next vacation to turn into an awful car race like last time I hired a dogsitter.

I had found her on a dog-lover website, and as I was going away just for two days, I had not been too demanding.

She was crazy about dogs, she didn't mind hairs and slobber on her clothes, and enjoyed long walks whatever the weather, so what else?

Unfortunately hardly had we reached our destination when she phoned us. She sounded panic-striken and told me that Canaille, our Springer, had been standing motionless for over half-an-hour right in the middle of the kitchen.

He was deaf to any of her sweet words, and even worse, there was some kind of foam around his mouth.

And yet, after his walk, he had eaten and drunk heartily, he had even offered her to play a fetch-the-ball game, and though he had turned out to be a bad loser, they had had a good time.

But, since then, no way to drag him out of the kitchen.

She added that actually he looked as if he had had a paralytic stroke!

Jeez, that was too much for dogaholic parents!

We drove all the way back home, and never had a 100 kilometers journey seemed so long and the speed traps so numerous!

When we arrived home, our throats were dry and our legs like cotton wool. 

And to top it all off, no cheerful barkings to welcome us!

We rushed to the kitchen, and there he was!

Yes, Canaille, our sweetheart, the apple of our eyes, was standing there as impassive as a horseguard at the entrance of Buckingham Palace.

A quick glance around calmed down our hearts…

Paralyzed? No, just on the watch!

Foaming at the mouth? No, just drooling in a kind of Niagara Falls way over the loaf of bread the dogsitter had left on the worktop!

Well, more fear than harm, but if our dogsitter had spoken dog fluently, she would have understood immediately that Canaille was just asking 
 " Could you pass the bread, please? ", and we would not have ruined our weekend.

So now,  either I find a dog-speaking dogsitter, or I create a dictionary. What do you think?

ENGLISH IDIOMS PROVE TRUE

Hi, my name is Samy. I am a very young dog and today I'll tell you a story about English idioms.

I remember last time I indulged myself with a pack of toffees Perky (my mum) had left on her desk, I was awfully sick (and sticky, as well). 

Perky had just mopped the kitchen floor, so, not to ruin her hard work, I rushed to the living-room and threw up on the carpet, and you know what!

When she saw her toffee-coated carpet, she said she was sick!

Poor girl!

Couldn't be  because of the toffees, cause I had gobbled all of them, wrapping papers included!

So, what was she sick of?

Then, when I saw the way she frowned at me, it dawned on me that she was sick of me! 

Yes, guys, sick of ME,the most affectionate and devoted friend she's ever had!! What a blow!

Up to now that's the only time I have had a bone to pick with Perky and that's how I understood the real meaning of the idiom "A dog's life".

Of course, there must be other idioms that prove true, but I am too dog tired to keep writing, so let the sleeping dog lie.

Have a pawesome day!

Your cuddly Samy.

* For non-dog speaking readers, "my paw" means "my foot".

HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN WAVES OF HAPPINESS

Making a fool of yourself can make you happier.

You don't believe me?

Well, just take a few minutes to read this week's story and you'll see it's true.

It is a short story of the early days of my blog, but at the time it got so many views, likes and comments that I can't help publishing it again, so here it is.

I met my husband-to-be in Brittany and the very first time he offered to take me for a sea-excursion on his sailing boat, I accepted immediately. Just the two of us riding the ocean, how romantic and lovely!

I was on cloud nine!

Unfortunately I had to get my head out of the clouds (cloud nine included) rather quickly…

Me, the Pirate Queen? No way!

I was just a poor landlubber.

The offshore murky waters, the Breton choppy sea and the threatening lines of white foam around the boat quickly turned my idyllic cruise into a real pain.

 My boyfriend said  he felt sorry for me and that we would sail back to the haven.

He started turning away from the wind and that's when  I made a fool of myself.

The boat started leaning a lot (quite normal during such a manœuvre, but frightening for a budding sailor like me).

I thought we were about to capsize and...I jumped overboard and started swimming.

I couldn't see the seashore in the far distance, but never mind, I was a pretty good swimmer.

When I slowed down to catch my breath, I could hear my boyfriend shouting :

" Come on, don't panic, get back onboard! ".

" No way! ", I yelled out of breath, " I'll swim all the way back to the     

   haven! ".

" OK, then ", he replied, " but listen, Christopher Columbus, if I were 

   you, I would swim the other way round, cause right now you're 

   heading to America! ".

Then, he steered the boat towards me and fished me out.

I was relieved and happy, but when he told me I was the most beautiful catch I had ever had, I realized that sometimes making a fool of oneself can make you happier, so sweep away shame and enjoy life!

QUARANTINE : TWO RIDDLES TO CHANGE YOUR MIND OFF THINGS

                                   
                                       GUESS WHO  I  AM

Riddle no 1 :

I'm a peaceful veggy. Unfortunately, I have a very poor eyesight and I have to rely on my sense of touch and smell to get food. I can pass across the edge of a razor or the blade of a knife, and not get hurt. When threatened, I  seal the entrance of my home and can stay inside several months without water and live on stored fat. A good example in these  times of crisis, isn't it?

Riddle no 2 :

I can be any shape. I am a reliable assistant, cause I work round the clock, and I am  getting smarter and smarter ! I have two hands, but one is shorter than the other ! Is that the reason why the new generation has no hands at all ? Maybe ...

Now, put on your thinking cap, rack your brain, ask your relatives and friends for help, cause the countdown has just started !

Ready, steady, go !

Have fun, and don't forget : KEEP CALM, KEEP SAFE, STAY AT HOME!

Loads of cyber hugs to all of you 

PS : your answers expected in private message on   my Facebook page  :

https://www.facebook.com/dany.steiner



PROCRASTINATION SIDE EFFECTS

                                       

     

This week I want to tell you about a funny adventure I had because of my procrastinating tendency , and how I turned out to be the living  proof that French people are not really good at languages.

We all know that prevention is better than cure, so I won't harp on it, cause I may sound a bit preachy,but yet, there's something niggling at the back of my mind, and maybe you can clear it up for me.

Here it is :

               

In the place where you live, how long does it take to get an appointment with a specialist doctor ?

Here in Brittany getting an appointment with an eye doctor within a couple of weeks is just wishful thinking.
I usually have to wait three solid months before being able to see ( or not to see, that is the question) that specialist.
A way to queuejump ?
Unfortunately, none ! I have racked my brain about one,over and over, in vain !
Trying to bribe him with some butter and sugar-soaked breton dessert is useless. The man is the sporty type and pays attention to his figure (and his activity figures, too...). 

   

                                  

Buttering him up and telling him he is a sight for sore eyes, the light of my light , the apple of my eyes ? No way ! That guy is really a badass!
                          

No need to let my imagination run riot and get my hopes up.
I just have to take for granted that, whenever I want to have my eyesight checked, I am doomed to wait three months.

So, if I were a born-organized girl, of course I would make an appointment every year at the same period.
Well, to be honest, when it comes to medical appointments, I am anything but organized.
Fake excuses and procrastination rule the roost !

But, a couple of weeks ago I was gently reminded that there are things that should not be left on the back burner ...

I was nearly done with my week's to-do list and was quite satisfied with myself, even though the red flag ' make an appointment with the eye doctor ' was still flying frantically at the bottom of the list.

                  

                  
Actually, it had already been flying there for two weeks, and, even worse, in small letters ! A kind of ' out of sight out of mind ' rank.
Anyway, it was Friday, 6.30pm, so too late to bother my dear doctor.
I promised to myself it would top the list the week after and as  Ulysse , my little dog, was ready for a his walk,off we went.

Ulysse had been frolicking off leash for a while, when I caught sight of a couple with a child on a tricycle and ...a cat on leash ( quite unusual, but why not )coming towards me.
I called back Ulysse and took him in my arms,cause that sweetheart doesn't get along with cats.

                                

As they were getting closer , I could hear them speak English, so when I passed near them, I apologized for not socializing and said :

" I'm sorry but my dog doesn't like cats ".

And I walked away.


That's when I heard the man say to his wife :

" French people make effort to speak English, but jeez they really lack vocabulary ! ' DOG ' is  an easy word to remember, isn't it ? ".

I turned back, screwed up my eyes, and realized that actually the cat on leash was a puppy teckel !!

No need to tell you that the week after I called my eye doctor!