THE ADVENTURES OF A POOR KLUTZ

I'm a chronic klutz, I mean, I stumble, drop or spill things at least every single day.

I'm so clumsy that I could trip over my own shadow, and the expression " to be all thumbs " really fits me like a glove (a special one with sheathes only for thumbs, of course!).

Well, to be all thumbs can be useful for hitchhiking or gardening (as long as all those thumbs are green), but otherwise it can turn everyday life into an obstacle course!

After years of stubbing my toes on any and everything, I know the best ointment and band-aids like the back of my hand (even if , due to my clumsiness, the back of my hand is often scratched , bruised or burnt).

Dropping glasses don't upset me any more, cause, thanks to years of field training I master the art of picking up the splinters without snipping off my fingers, or at least just slightly.

Spilling wine, coffee or chocolate on a spotless tablecloth has taught me that most of the time it's no use crying over spilled milk... or any other liquid, either.

I say " most of the time ", cause once I pretended to be skillful, but a single wrong move and I spilled the beans, and the coffee, as well…

We had guests at home and I had managed to serve all the meal quite smoothly. 

At coffee time I still had everything under control : really a red-letter day!

I was about to pour coffee into the cups when a friend asked me about the brand of my coffee pot.

I guess I was so focused on concealing my clumsiness that suddenly my mind went blank. No way to remember the name!!

Who, then, said the brand is often written on the bottom?? No idea!

The only thing I can remember was my arm suddenly getting out of control and turning the coffee pot upside down to check the brand, and then...my shoes soaking up all the hot beverage!!!

You see, I'm so clumsy that when it comes to ending up a blogpost, I always stumble over ... words, and today no change, so I hope you will forgive my awkward end! Thanks in advance!

THE FEAR OF GROWING OLD

Wakie-wakie, time to wake up, this week something new on my blog!

A guess the word game!

Arrange the letters below and find the scrambled word :

P-B-H-I-A-O-G-E-A-R-S-C-O

A clue? It's a trendy disease.

Can't make it?

Well, here's a poem by Jenny Joseph that will keep you away from that naughty disease :

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

One more clue? The title is a good definition of the scrambled word.

Now turn on the booster and cram my mailbox with your answers

perkybusybee@gmail.com

NO AGE LIMIT FOR LOVE

This week for a change I have decided to accept a contributor to my blog, and I hope you will give him a warm welcome.

His name is Ulysse, he is nearly sixteen and already has a lot of charm and talent.

If you are looking for funny annecdotes, I guess the one he will tell you right now will make you crack a smile. Enjoy!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Hi everybody,

First off, thank you Perky for your sweet introduction.

A lot of charm and talent? Maybe, but when I meet people, what they first say is that they like my clownish face. That's a part of my power of seduction.

Do I use it to seduce girls?

Till last week, never!

But last week, while having a walk in the surroundings, I came across a girl and it was love at first sight!

She is absolutely fabulous : curly hair, sparkling dark eyes, straight long legs, and, jeez, what a voice!!

Unfortunately, my parents don't approve of our relationship. 

They say that is not for boys of my age, and that, anyway, she is not my type!! How can they know??

Anyway, a few  days ago, just before dinner, I didn't ask for permission, and left home to visit my sweetheart.

It was pitch dark, and as I am not used to strolling along the streets by myself at that time, I was feeling a bit scared, but when there is a will, there is a way.

When I arrived in front of her house, I started singing her favourite tune. She immediately came to the gate (of course, locked cause her parents are as naughty as mine), and sang with me.

I was on cloud nine, it was just a kind of remake of Romeo and Juliet.

Suddenly we were dazzled by a flashing light, and guess who was holding it! MY MUM!!

She shouted : 

" You're a bad boy! I was worried sick. Fortunately, I heard your voice 

   in the far distance, and I immediately knew where you had gone!

   Now stop your serenade, otherwise the neighbours will make a noise

   complaint".

And then, she put a leash on me and dragged me back home.

A leash? Oops ,sorry, I have forgotten to tell you I am a  dog. It is true I am 16 years old, but 16 in human years means 80!

Is 8O too old for love?

Please, if you see my sweetheart (a gorgeous Welsh terrier), tell her that I'm cooped up, but I'm crazy about her, and I make no bone about it!

PS : by the way, my mum is this blog's owner, so if you want to plead my case, your comments may help the star-crossed lover I am!  Thanks in advance!

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

This week just a short post to ask you for help.

I am not used to, but last Saturday I made such a fool of myself that I really need all your tips to clear my image.

There was a lecture about the harmful effects of chemical pesticides on environment and health, and I decided to attend it.

At the end of the lecture, questions were encouraged from the audience, and that's when I made a fool of myself.

The man sitting next to me asked if there were really efficient alternative methods to gardening without pesticides.

I could have kept quiet and listened to the answers, but no way to expect such a wise behaviour from the incorrigible chatter-box I am!

I raised my arm and said :

" I've been told that spreading human hair around trunks and bushes keeps pests and bugs away ".

There was an awkward silence,  and then, a huge roar of laughter.

All eyes were on me and on the man who had asked the question.

I glanced at him…

Jeez!! He was as bald as an egg!!

Before I could apologize for my blunder, he replied without turning a hair (of course!) :

" I know that trick, but unfortunately, as you can see,  I have run out of stock ".

After such a hair-raising blunder, the only thing I wanted to do was to take a French leave, and that's what I did.

Next week there is a lecture in the same place about " how to kill weeds without killing your garden ". I'd like to attend it, but I'm quite sure to meet my bald victim there, so what should I do to clear my image?

Think twice before speaking? 

That's what my mum kept harping on when I was a child. I should have learned that valuable Lesson, but years after I'm still too talkative.

By the way, that must be the reason why Dearhubby enjoys so much when I blog ...Poor guy, that's the only moment he can hear the sound of silence!

Anyway, I'm expecting your tips to help me get out of that jam!

A PUMPKIN SOUP FOR FUN?

A few years ago, on Halloween I decided to treat my friends with a pumpkin soup baked directly inside the pumpkin.

The hardest part was to cut off its crown. Quite understandable, for as the saying goes, uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.

Afterwards, I just had to follow the instructions step by step.

The recipe was rated " as easy as ABC ", so no need to worry. Well, on second thought I hoped it would be " easier than a pie ", cause for poor cooks like me, making a pie is anything but easy!

Anyway, once my pumpkin in the oven, I could get ready for my guests quietly. 

When it was time to put my creamy soup out of the oven, I pulled the oven door, once, twice, three times,...in vain! It did not open!!

Suddenly I caught sight of a red light flashing on and on. 

A look at the user manual was enough to send shivers along my spine!

Jeez, instead of setting the thermostat, I had selected the self-cleaning function, which meant the oven was locked for one hour!!

I had to face the facts : the situation was serious. No kidding, I was in the soup!!

No time to wallow in self-pity, my guests were ringing at the door.

The sound reminded me of the title of a novel by Hemingway " For whom the bell tolls ".

I opened the door, and said :

" Welcome to our Halloween party. Why not start with a trick? I have ruined the first course. Now for the treats, don't be scared, the main course and the dessert aren't home-made! ".

The tone was set, and in spite of the poor pumpkin turning into Joan of Arc in the oven, we had fun.

That's all for today, my sweet pumpkins!