AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

Hi everydoggy,

Do you remember me? 

My name is Canaille, I'm an eleven-year-old dog, and Perky, this blog's owner, is my mum.

Some weeks are just plain harder than others and that's what last week was like for me.

I went to the vet for a vaccine and you know what?

Perky told him a lot of naughty things about me.

She said I was getting a bit hard of hearing, napping all day long, and only interested in eating!

I was expecting my so-called devoted doctor to stand by me, but that was  wishful thinking!!

That silly guy replied that there was nothing to worry about, just normal aging!

So since then I have been doing my best to prove Perky that age doesn't matter as long as you are young in spirit.

Well, behaving like a puppy was no picnic, but as the saying goes, where there is a will there is a way!

Here are my best silly antics :

I have hidden one of Perky's slippers in the grass.  As that poor girl has no flair, she has not found it, and Daddy's lawnmower has torn it to pieces. Too bad!

I have knocked over the trash bin to recycle the sweet wrappers in my own way. They were delicious to chew but hard to digest. Not to ruin my comfy basket, I had to vomit on the carpet.

Unfortunately all my efforts to behave like a puppy turned out to be vain.

Yesterday Perky took me to the groomer and the aging issue came up again!

She told the groomer to pay attention cause my back was a bit stiff due to my age!!

That was the last straw!

Jeez, what could I do to prove her once and for all that I was still a young fellow?

Well, once out of the groomer's, I jumped into a muddy puddle in a puppy way.

Poor me! A total failure!

Perky looked at Daddy and said that sometimes old dogs go through a second puppyhood!! *

I love Perky to the moon and back, but that girl is sometimes numb, and I am running short of ideas to prove her that age doesn't matter.

So, all your ideas are welcome!


You can find me on my Facebook page :

https://www.facebook.com/Short-Stories-for-English-learners...

* For those who are not fluent in dog language, puppyhood means childhood.

GOOD DEEDS ARE NOT ALWAYS REWARDED...

Hi everydoggy,

My name is Canaille. I'm an English Springer Spaniel and Perky, this blog's owner, is my mum.

Today you know what? I'm a poor lonesome doggy.

I mean, I'm inside, Perky is outside, and the door is locked!

Actually, I think I'm punished.

Sometimes I deserve it. For example, I'm always  a bit peckish and before dinner I happen to nibble anything I can get my paw on*.

So, being punished for swallowing one of the bird seedballs was fair, even though digesting that stuff was punishment enough!

But today, nothing of the kind!

Perky was digging the flower-bed and I kept barking to tell her that she didn't need to tire herself out, cause I had not buried any bones or treats there (that poor girl doesn't have any flair!).

Then, you know what?

She just ordered me to keep quiet!

Keep quiet?? No way!!

I started barking louder to warn her that Daddy would not be happy with her, cause last time I dug a hole in the garden, he scolded me.

Well, Perky speaks dog quite fluently (I'm a good teacher), but sometimes it seems that my barkings are Greek to her.

So, to show her that I had already tested the ground and that there was no treasure hidden there, I decided to paw up and down*.

I did my best, even though the tulips, the daffodils and the carnations were tickling my paws.

And that's when Perky started shouting at me and before I could pee on the flowers to spare her the watering chore, she had dragged me back home!

And now here I am, locked in, with a bone to pick with Perky!

Could you be my champion and make nice comments about me?

Thanks in advance.

Have a pawesome* day!

* Dictionary Dog-English :

to get my paw on                           to get my hand on

to paw up and down                      to  pace up and down

pawesome                                      awesome

SAY GOOD BYE TO VOICEMAIL MESSAGES!

Have you ever made blunders when leaving a voicemail message?

That's what happened to me  last time I phoned my bank manager to make an appointment.  

Once  the beep had sounded, I mentioned my name and my phone number, and recorded my message carefully.

I was about to hang up, when suddenly my brain short circuited and a stupid " Have a nice day, honey " spilled out of my mouth  and got immediately  trapped in my bank manager's damned voicemail! 

Why " honey "?? 

My bank manager is not the kind of guy to fall into a honey trap, so 

what could I do ? Break into his office and steal his phone ? Just nonsense !

Half a minute later, I phoned him again, and left another message begging him to forget the last words of my previous message, cause that was not what I meant. 

In the late afternoon when the phone rang and I heard his voice, I nearly fainted.

He just said he had understood my message (which one ?) was urgent, and that we could agree on a date.

That's what we did. 

 Of course, when he said " See you later ", I refrained myself from adding " alligator ", cause, even though it rhymes, I'm not sure bank managers like rhymes.

https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/See+you+later%2c+alligator

Anyway, all was well that ended well, but since then I do prefer sending text messages whenever possible. 

What about you? Do you prefer voicemail or text messages?

    

       

  

       

HOW TO RESIST SWEET TEMPTATIONS?

          KOUIGNARDISES  :   THE YUMMIEST  TREATS I HAVE EVER TASTED*

In my previous posts I have often made fun of Greedy Canaille, my dog, who is the fastest eater I've ever met, especially when it comes to treats.

Believe me or not, he has  treats in his bowl, and the next minute, zap, they have simply vanished.

Just the same for me! I open a packet of biscuits, and the next minute, zap, they have vanished, too!

A magician trick? Unfortunately,rather hard to hold on to the illusion!

At least to slow down Canaille's helpings, I've bought a slow feeder.

It looks like a tuft of grass and between each blade I put treats. Then, it's up to him to push them out. Quite efficient, cause now he doesn't confuse "to eat" and "to gulp down".

What's more, I guess that kind of challenging game will turn him into a smart cookie.

OMG! A smart cookie? COOKIE! Here I go again! One more time my sweet tooth is playing tricks on me!

Should I buy a slow feeder for me, too? 

No way! My " kouignardises " * would not fit in it!

I've seen on the Net a kind of kitchen safe (come on, don't laugh!). You put your yummy temptations in it, then set the timer from one minute up to ten days, and the lid won't open till the timer reaches zero.

What do you think of that? 

Would it curb my cravings, or turn me into a safe-breaker?

Anyway,all your tips and tricks will be welcome, cause getting rid of my bad snacking habits won't be a piece of cake.

...A piece of cake? Oh heck! Sorry I have to leave you, I can't resist the call of the Yum Yum devil!! I hope the kouignardise shop will be still open!

*https://www.facebook.com/La-Kouignardise-301708713885541

AN UNEXPECTED UPDATE OF THE "NEVER HAVE I EVER..." GAME SCORE

Today just a few lines to update my last week's post.

Those who have read it already know that I played the " Never have I ever " game and that I got 13 points.

Since then my score has gone down by 1 point.

Guess what I have done!

Ridden a limo? Sorry, I was not invited to the Oscars ceremony, so no limo for me, but just a ride in our old jalopy.

Gotten a ticket? No!! I've never gotten a ticket and I will never get one! For one simple reason : I don't have my driver's licence.

The last time I tried to get it, whenever I took the wheel, the driving instructor turned as white as a sheet as if he was about to be sent to the scaffold, and after what he called a few  "unsafe" rides, he threatened to resign if I was to have one more lesson!

That's when I bade farewell to driving once and for all.

You can't see how I have changed my score? Too difficult? 

And yet, it is the first question of last week's game!

Yes guys, I have broken a bone!!

I guess it was brittle, cause it broke easily.

Was it painful? Come on, I am not a chicken!

Actually, to be honest, it didn't hurt at all.Even better, when it cracked, I squealed with delight…

You want to know why?

More about that next week!

In the meantime, you can rack your brain and suggest explanations.