PEDESTRIANS AND DRIVERS : FRIENDS OR FOES?

It is well-known that pedestrians and drivers usually don't get on well. Quite often the same people, but not the same behaviour, depending which side of the windscreen they are.

As a pedestrian, I am quite strict about my rights, and I happen to be rather rude when they are not respected. I know it's no use, but letting off steam sometimes does good!

Last time it happened, I was on my way to a dinner party. I was a bit late, and I guess a bit distracted, as well.

I had already crossed half a busy avenue, when the light turned green, and instead of stepping onto the refuge island, I kept walking toward.

A driver honked his horn at me so loudly that I jumped with fright, stopped dead and then...burnt him with some of the worst insults I know. I won't tell you which ones, but " asshole " or " jerk " are just small potatoes compared to what got out of my angry pedestrian's mouth.

The driver just smiled and waved an apology.

Half-an-hour later when I arrived at the party, the hostess introduced me to a couple of guests, and that's when things went wrong.

" I think we've already met somewhere ", the man exclaimed, " your face is kind of  familiar to me ".

Jeez!!! My knees went weak, my heart skipped beats and I turned as red as a beetroot.

Guess what!!

The driver I had showered with insults was looking at me wrily.

All throughout the dinner I felt uncomfortable, cause whenever our eyes met, I could read my curse words in the man's mocking glance.

When the party was over, he came to me and said  " You have come on foot, haven't you? It's late , my wife and I will give you a lift ".

That guy was really rubbing it in!!

Fortunately my inner pedestrian came for help and I turned down his offer and said :

" Thanks a lot, but I enjoy walking in the streets at night. Far less traffic, far fewer impatient drivers, far fewer honks, you see what I mean, just quietness and peace ".

A bit naughty, but that's the only way I found to dodge the question:  Pedestrians and drivers : friends or foes? ".

DO ONE THING EVERY DAY THAT SCARES YOU

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Do you know that challenging quote by Eleanor Roosevelt?

A good  way to test our courage, gain self-confidence, self-esteem, and why not sucess in whatever we want to achieve.

Well, if you are anything like me, easier said than done!

No need to rack my brain to find scary things which make my heart skip beats.

You see, just walking alone in the garden when it is pitch dark, catching a hairy and creepy spider, or singing in public gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Want to know a secret?

Even telling my hairdresser I hate the new hairdo she has tested on me is a hair-raising experience (well, not so hair-raising, cause if it were, I wouldn't look like a " balding bird ").

Actually, I am anything but an adventurer, and I usually chicken out when it comes to spicing up my life with some daring and scary stuff.

But a while ago, fate seemed to conspire against me to corner me and strain my nerves…

Last May we visited our daughter who lives in San Francisco, and while we were there, she took us to Yosemite Park, her favourite place when she wants to escape the concrete jungle and step into the wild.

When we arrived at the Majestic Yosemite Hotel, Dearhubby didn't fail to remind me that it was the hotel which had inspired Stanley Kubrick for the interior design of his famous horror film " The Shining ".

Just a walk through the huge lounge and its gargantuan fireplaces was enough to remember some of the most spine-chilling scenes of the movie.

If you haven't seen it, I think you will get the picture if I tell you that it is based on a novel by Stephen King, the master of horror, and that when it was released, it really scared the pants off lots of people.

So, no need to tell you that, at night, once in bed, some spooky pictures of the film invaded my mind, and I had to muzzle my imagination not to scare myself with the weird noises I was, of course, the only one to hear!

I can't understand why the wooden floor creaks louder in the dark and  why the air-conditioning start whispering threatening gibberish once the lights are off!

Is it just me or is it the dark side of night?

Anyway, I managed to be brave and survive. To be honest, thanks to the earplugs i had been given on the plane.

But the worst was to come, and what I had to face the next morning is the spookiest real-life experience I have ever had, and I guess I am done with Eleanor Roosevelt and her quote " Do one thing everyday that scares you "!

Have a guess ! All your ideas are welcome on :

perkybusybee@gmail.com

or on my facebook page :

https://www.facebook.com/Short-Stories-for-English-learners...

HOLIDAYING WITH A DOG

Taking my dog on holiday with me?

Come on, I'm an unapologetic dogaholic, so it's just a kind of no-brainer, and believe me or not, holidaying with my four-legged buddy always adds to the fun.

Ages ago, Dearhubby and I decided to go backpacking on a Greek island with a couple of friends, and, of course, Jolux, our one-year-old cocker.

After going through the awkward age and wreaking havoc in our home, our puppy had decided to nip his vocation of " interior designer " in the bud, and had become such a well-behaved dog that he was even allowed to travel in the passenger cabin.

Then, once on the island, everything went on smoothly till we ran out of dry pet food.

Asking the natives where we could get something for him turned into a real headache. Whatever they answered was Greek to us! (sorry, I couldn't resist the pun).

We tried to convince our poor dog of the health benefits of the Mediterranean diet, but in vain. He couldn't stomach it any more, and we had to eat our words.

We were getting fed up, but Jolux was not!

We were in an open air restaurant, wondering how to get some meaty stuff for him, when Dearhubby had a bright idea.

He would order two courses : a Greek salad, and meatballs with spaghetti, and he would give the latter to our " reluctant  vegan ". On the sly, of course!

As soon as the waiter had served us, Dearhubby immediately spooned the spaghetti dish into our dog's bowl under the table. That trick took him just a few seconds. Hardly had he put the plate back on the table when the waiter came back with some water. 

When he saw the empty plate, he nearly dropped the jug! He stared at Dearhubby, and rushed back inside to tell the cook to keep cooking, cause there was a guy outside eating like a horse, and even worse, awfully quickly!

When Jolux licked Dearhubby's hand, I immediately knew he meant " I owe you one! ", and I was right.

A few days later, we were on dog-friendly little beach, and as Jolux's first pawing into the sea had turned into a failure  because of a sneaky urchin, we tied him to the parasol before going for a swim.

As Dearhubby enjoys snorkelling, he started swimming off the coast, and soon we could hardly see him in the far distance.

Don't get me wrong, nothing to worry about, except for our dog whose inner lifeguard suddenly woke up. Dearhubby, the one who had saved him from starvation, was too far. Sure he needed his help!

Then he followed his heart, dragged the parasol to the shore, dived headfirst, and ….nearly drowned because of the weight of the parasol!

As a medal of bravery, he was awarded another spaghetti course!  

DO DOGS ENJOY WATCHING TV?

Do dogs enjoy watching TV?

A lot of dog owners claim their pooch watches television, but does it mean they really enjoy it?

One thing is clear : not as much as humans do.

Come on, it's a no-brainer! I've had quite a few dogs, and none of them has ever spent hours glued to the gogglebox!

Even better, whenever I have suffered from binge-watching (due to my subscription to Netflix), they have always done their best to help me go cold turkey. How?

. By pacing up and down the screen to blur the pictures.

. By squeezing their squeakiest toy to cover the sound.

. By jumping onto my lap to make a nose-to-nose cuddle and hide the 

  screen.

. By barking their favourite tune (" Stop watching that junk, come back 

  to the real world, and let's go for a walk ") till I turn off the box.

So, I guess I can say that none of my dogs has ever shown any interest in telly. Quite the contrary! Once, one of them got so bored with it that he risked life and limb and chewed on the remote!

Should I have taken out a subscription to DogTV (https://www.dogtv.com)?

Hey, come on, I want to keep my dogs healthy and peppy!

Yet, some time ago, Canaille, my English Springer Spaniel, had to strive not to turn into a couch potato…

Let me walk you through.

I don't play tennis, but I enjoy watching it, so last May during Roland Garros, the French Open tennis tournament, I never missed a match and ...neither did Canaille.

The sound of the ball drove him crazy.

I guess he didn't really catch the rules of that new " Fetch the ball " game, but he did his best to be the ball boy.

Every time the ball hit the ground, he ran around, panting and wearing himself out. In vain! The ball was nowhere to be found!!

And yet, all throughout the tournament, he never gave up.

But, after all, as Pierre de Coubertin said " The important thing in life is not to triumph but to participate ".

Since then, he doesn't care about TV anymore, and prefers a good 

" Fetch the ball " game in the open air.

Is he training for Roland Garros 2019? Who knows…

Anyway, don't tell him the Football World Cup is going on, he could get addicted!

ARE YOU READY TO TAKE A DOG?

As a dogaholic, of course I often gush about how awesome it is to share my life with Canaille and Ulysse,my twodogs.

But if you were about to get a dog, I would advise you to read my post before stepping into the funny-furry dogs'world…

Jolux, the first dog I got, melted my heart and pawed away my fear of dogs in a split second! He was the cutest cocker I had ever met.

Although he had an aristocratic name ( du Roquevent),he was none the better-mannered!

Teaching him to do his business outside took me quite a while. You get the picture : bye-bye my polished wooden floor, my clean carpets and the spick and span kitchen tiles. In those days, stain remover manufacturers must have trippled their sales thanks to my " leaky puppy ".

Yet, that was not the worst…

Telling him not to do a puppystyle housework, while I was away, was useless.

He was just willing to help.

So, every day on my way back home I always wondered what he would have been working on.

One day he was a hard-working shoe-maker and turned my brand new shoes into flip-flops. At the time, flip-flops were not trendy, and anyway, walking nearly bare foot  was out of question.

Another day, he was my private secretary, checked the mail, and then shredded it conscientiously. It took me a while and a lot of patience to put his makeshift puzzle together, but when I realized it was the notification to attend my end of the year exam, no need to tell you that I nearly blew a gasket!

His unbounded imagination turned my life into a kind of scary scenic railway : discovering his presence on a cushion explosion scene made me boil over whereas his non-guilty pleading eyes cooled me down.

So, scoldings and cuddles were our lot, but to be honest,his naughtyness was beggining to make me go nuts.

Then, one day, a friend of mine offered to come to my place to see what she could do with my little rascal. 

Her boyfriend was a dog-breeder, so she could show me some tips and tricks to turn Jolux into a puppy as good as gold.

Sure,some waves of her magic wand would blow away the malevolent spirits haunting my poor dog. You see, a kind of remake of " The Exorcist ".

Perhaps, my expectations were a bit too high…

Once on the landing of my flat, I couldn't open the door, and Jolux inside was whinning as if frightened.

Jeez!! Sure there were burglars in and a hostage taking was on its way!

It was high time to call for a locksmith.

Forty-five mintes later our " saver " turned up and managed a successful " open sesame ".

Jolux, my little odd jobber, to get rid of the corridor fitted carpet, had rolled it in front of the entrance door, and had ended up squeezed under it!

My friend just uttered a " Hello buddy, everything's gonna be allright now, Mummy is back! ".

And before I could tell Jolux off, she was holding him tight in her arms and whispering sweet nothings in his ears!!

That's how I understood dogs have an inner Casanova ready to spring out and pick you up as soon as you give them a glance.

So, before homing a dog, make sure you are brave and cool enough to dive into the hurly-burly of a life full of emotion for better or for worse!

HELP! SPRING BUGS BUG ME!

In France, at last Spring has settled down! 

Everything is blooming, the birds are chirping all around, and the weather is getting much milder, so all's for the best, in the best of all possible worlds?

Not really , cause as surprising as it may seem, sometimes Spring bugs me!

You know why?

Because all the hibernating animals wake up, and that's when things go wrong for the scaredy-cat I am.

Yes, guys, any Spring bug crawling or flying around drives me nuts.

Hairy spiders hanging on their webs give me the heebie-jeebies, mosquitoes buzzing in my ears freak me out, and pesky ants colonizing my kitchen make me cringe.

You get the picture? OK, but the worst is to come...

I had never thought that Spring could make me lose my head, but believe me or not, last week I nearly went haywire!

After pulling out the weeds around the fruit trees, I had a shower and curled up on the sofa for a comfy break.

Short-lived quietness!! 

Suddenly my head started itching. I scratched it, but the more I scratched, the more it itched!

Suddenly the word " LICE " flashed across my mind.

My hair stood on end! 

Yuk! Lice laying eggs on my scalp!

Sure there was a price on my head!

What to do then?

Three hours later, when Dearhubby came back home, I urged him to check my scalp. He did it and said " Nothing to declare. Move along ".

" But it itches awfully ", I replied.

Then he smiled and told me : " I guess you didn't put a hat while working under the trees, so don't be surprised that chiggers have decided to build a road network on your head ".

Gosh, chiggers!!

I spent the night in the leading part of  " Chigger Attack ", the scary movie to come out soon.

The next morning  I was nothing but red raised bumps, pimples and blisters!

I rushed to the chemist's, and thanks to her precious advice (lavender essential oïl) the itching invaders packed up to more hospitable countries.

What do you think?

I shouldn't make a mountain out of a molehill, and  just enjoy Spring perks?

Right you are, but unfortunately moles also have decided to bug me!

Do you know how to get rid of those tireless underground diggers?

Thanks in advance for all your tips and tricks!

I hope my misfortune will make 

LILY OF THE VALLEY : A LUCKY CHARM??

In the language of flowers, the Lily of the Valley is said to symbolize the return of happiness.

A kind of lucky charm, then?

My foot! That's just a load of rubbish!!

Last year I planted some, cause I thought it would be awesome on the first of May to greet my friends with some sprigs of home-grown Lily of the Valley.

Believe me or not, it just brought sweat and tears!!

And yet, as I'm new to growing plants, before embarking on that May Flower journey, I had surfed the web in search of the balmiest Spring breeze.

It was as clear as a bell : lily of the valley was the easiest plant to grow.

To spread its sweet fragrance, it just needed shade and moist soil.

No problem : I live in Brittany, the best place to be for Lily of the Valley, (and for me, too!).

I planted the roots under the canopy of a hazel tree, and waited patiently till Spring came round the corner.

 Mid-April my hardy " lucky charm " had made itself comfy, and its white buds and upright stems were spreading all around.

I was absolutely delighted, but unfortunately my happiness was 
short-lived...

One morning Dearhubby came back from the garden with a few leaves of my precious white flowers and crushed them under my nose.

Jeez! What about the delicate fragrance I had been longing for all throughout Winter? Gone with the wind!
Within a wink, the garlicky smell of my so-called lucky charm killed my dream of a new Mayflower Land, and my Lily of the Valley, as well.

Wild garlic has never brought happiness and luck, but only sweat, tears and, even worse, blisters on my hands caught when trying to dig out that pungent invader!

Sweet Lily versus Stinking Jenny (an undercover agent's name for wild garlic) is a losing battle.

Up to now I have not found the miracle recipe to get rid of those cheeky squatters, so all your tips and tricks would be welcome!

                                  An unlucky budding gardener