NEVER HAVE I EVER ....

Over the last four years I have managed to be quite a consistent blogger, but last week what was to happen happened.

I got struck by the Blank Page Curse!

My well of funny adventures and naughty bloopers had gone dry. There were just rambling thoughts and meaningless scribblings left.

No way to count on my two dogs.

The early rays of sunshine and the mild temperatures had turned them into studious yoga and tai chi enthusiasts, and learning the Sun Salutation kept them busy ("lazy" would be more accurate) all day long.

After racking my brain and twiddling my hair for hours (that's what I do when I turn things over in my head), I had to face the facts : I was tousled but still no further forward!

My self-confidence started trickling away like sand through an hourglass. 

I was about to skip this week's post which meant feeling awfully ashamed and losing my self-esteem.

Then, by a stroke of luck I received  an invitation to play the " Never have I ever…" game.https://conversationstartersworld.com/never-have-i-ever-questions/

Good way to change my mind off things!

Here are the qestions I was asked :

I scored 13 points (far too many for that game).

Do you have any idea of the things I have never done?

Well, while you are trying to guess, I'll make the most of the days to come, cause I still have  plenty of exciting, challenging and sometimes  scary things to do above ground.

PS : By the way, how many points for you?

VOCABULARY : A HOT POTATO ISSUE!

                   THE STORY OF A HOT DOG AND A HOT POTATO

When speaking a foreign langage,  it is not always easy to find the right word to express yourself.

Whenever it happens, keep calm, breathe deeply, and try to find out either a synonym or a simpler way to explain. Sure, you'll get out of it !!

I know what I am talking about because years ago I experienced such an uncomfortable situation. 

As you know, I am French and at the time I was a beginner in English.

It was the very first time I was staying with an English family for a whole month, and it quickly  turned out that my " really? ", my " how  nice! "  peppered with loads of " umms " and " uhhs " were not enough to make conversation.

To crown it all, the family had a daschund and in those days I was scared stiff of dogs.

That "good boy" (as the lady called him) was over the hill and had a nasty temper (due to rheumatism? My foot !!)

I guess he felt my fear and tried to increase it by growling at me whenever we were in the same room. Even when his "mum" scolded him ("naughty boy" was the worst humiliation), the cheeky four-legged sausage kept humming his war tune at me !

Well, one evening we were having dinner, and while the lady had gone to the kitchen to fetch a jug of water, I started dealing with my veggies...

A lot has been said about English flashy green peas, but not enough about English boiled potatoes ! They are strong-tempered, and cutting them can sometimes turn into a hard-fought battle.

So, there I was, when suddenly the blade of my knife slipped on the hot potato and sent it straight into the dog's basket. Immediately the growling went off ! For once, with good reason ! Sure, being hit by a boiling hot potato was painful !

But when the lady came back from the kitchen and heard her little devil, she flared up and said that enough was enough, and that he would spend the night in the kennel outside !!

I wanted to explain it was my fault, but then I got stumped for words  

and I let the alleged culprit be dragged outside, whereas I could have said :

" There is a hot potato in his basket" or " A hot potato has landed into his basket".

A bit weird, but it would have saved an innocent !

So, remember my mishap, and when stumped for words, think it is a matter of life or death, rummage in your toolbox and take out your survival kit !!

The sky is the limit !!

FLIPPING FRENCH CRÊPES WITHOUT FLIPPING OUT...

In France, on February 2nd we make "crêpes" (kind of thin pancakes), and the sweet tooth I am never fails to celebrate.

Unfortunately, this year flipping my yummy treats has nearly turned into a flop, and all that because Canaille, my English Springer Spaniel, wanted to lend a hand (actually a paw), and honour his breed!

English Springer Spaniels are absolutely fabulous cuddle-makers, first class ball boys, skyrocketing jumpers, and, above all, great food reviewers, and that's where the shoe sometimes pinches...

Let me walk you through.

When it comes to food, Canaille can understand quite a few words, so not to whet his appetite (already pretty healthy) and make his mouth water (I should say " drool " ), there are words such as " spaghetti, chicken and crêpes " that we never pronounce, but only spell.

Unfortunately last Saturday I was so excited to celebrate " Crêpes Day " that I forgot our secret language, and blurted out : " Let's have crêpes for lunch".

Too late to back-pedal !!

I had pushed the zany Springer trigger, and Canaille was already dancing the yum-yum dance!!

No need to tell you that preparing the batter with an uber-peckish doggy lying on my feet and woofing his over-the-top agreement every two minutes was far from being a piece of cake, let alone a piece of pancake (sorry,for that pun, but too stupid not to share).

Flipping the crêpes with the best " fetch the ball " player beside me turned into a kind of juggle show with Canaille in the spotlight and me in the supporting role!

Each time I tried to flip a crêpe, he jumped up as high as he can, and I could hear his top chef's voice saying :

" Practice makes perfect, when flipping crêpes. If you break one, pop it into my mouth, and move on to the next! ".

Actually I didn't manage to flip a lot of crêpes, but Pancake Day 2019 falls on Tuesday March 5th, so a second chance to improve my toss, as long as Canaille doesn't go flipping mad...

Want to have a go and taste French crêpes? Here is a link to treat your tastebuds :

https://frenchmoments.eu/crepes-from-brittany-crepes-bretonnes/

BE BILINGUAL!

This week just a short post, cause I'm a bit strapped for time.

Actually, I'm planning a trip abroad, and as Woofstock, the boarding kennel my two dogs used to go from time to time, has closed down, I need to fing a dogsitter.

Believe me or not, it is not that easy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for the rare gem, but just for someone speaking dog fluently, cause I don't want next vacation to turn into an awful car race like last time I hired a dogsitter.

I had found her on a dog-lover website, and as I was going away just for two days, I had not been too demanding.

She was crazy about dogs, she didn't mind hairs and slobber on her clothes, and enjoyed long walks whatever the weather, so what else?

Unfortunately hardly had we reached our destination when she phoned us. She sounded panic-striken and told me that Canaille, our Springer, had been standing motionless for over half-an-hour right in the middle of the kitchen.

He was deaf to any of her sweet words, and even worse, there was some kind of foam around his mouth.

And yet, after his walk, he had eaten and drunk heartily, he had even offered her to play a fetch-the-ball game, and though he had turned out to be a bad loser, they had had a good time.

But, since then, no way to drag him out of the kitchen.

She added that actually he looked as if he had had a paralytic stroke!

Jeez, that was too much for dogaholic parents!

We drove all the way back home, and never had a 100 kilometers journey seemed so long and the speed traps so numerous!

When we arrived home, our throats were dry and our legs like cotton wool. 

And to top it all off, no cheerful barkings to welcome us!

We rushed to the kitchen, and there he was!

Yes, Canaille, our sweetheart, the apple of our eyes, was standing there as impassive as a horseguard at the entrance of Buckingham Palace.

A quick glance around calmed down our hearts…

Paralyzed? No, just on the watch!

Foaming at the mouth? No, just drooling in a kind of Niagara Falls way over the loaf of bread the dogsitter had left on the worktop!

Well, more fear than harm, but if our dogsitter had spoken dog fluently, she would have understood immediately that Canaille was just asking 
 " Could you pass the bread, please? ", and we would not have ruined our weekend.

So now,  either I find a dog-speaking dogsitter, or I create a dictionary. What do you think?